If people don't really understand how it feels like to be a working person with Asperger Syndrome combined with depression, I hope that these series of posts helps. I've split them into four because it's much easier to read and certainly less boring! It's hard, it's so darn hard and I'm slowly becoming housebound as a result, but writing about my issues makes it much more cathartic.
It's a work day, I know this because I will have woken extremely early and lain in bed, the duvet clamped around me, like an oversized sausage roll. At 7:30 I'll get into the shower and wash, because nobody, I repeat nobody, wants a stinky colleague do they? Teeth, make-up and dress - downstairs, coffee and breakfast. Usually my son is downstairs playing obscure YouTube videos on his pad - being autistic too, he's usually favouring something obscure, such as a series of the quiz
Fifteen to One dating back to 1988.
At 8:12 precisely I'll leave the house and walk the thirteen minute journey to the station. I'll pass all of the parked cars which clog up my road because their owners are too mean to pay for the station car park. En route, I'll try to avoid walking behind someone smoking a cigarette or in front of anyone with clacking heels - it's a sensory thing and it bothers me, although it wouldn't concern the vast majority of the population.
Arriving at the station I always stand in the most suitable space to be directly in front of the last carriage of eight's rear doors. I like to sit in the exact middle of the car, which is the facing window seat of the middle bank of the six seat set. This normally means that I'll not have to sit directly beside or opposite anyone and as my journey concludes at the London terminus, I'm not getting in anyone's way. I'll listen to a podcast or an audiobook and if all else fails, I'll flick through a copy of the
Metro.
The area I work in has been a gigantic building site for ages now and it's a really unpleasant environment as a result. There are huge wire barricades here, there and everywhere and everybody's so pushy. I follow the stream of commuter traffic along the road and then approach my building. I used to be able to climb up to my floor, but my fitness level has decreased over the past year.
When I arrive at my allotted desk, I worry whether someone else may be sitting there. It's situated in the middle of the work area away from any windows. The desk I sit on is smaller than the standard work area and this means if anybody sits next to me that they'll be far too close and my whole left side will tense up as a result. Considering all of this has happened prior to me even logging on, what hope is there for me as an employee?
I'm part-time and a flexible worker. Does this mean that my immediate colleagues believe that I'm a lazy slacker as a result?
