Post #143 - Christmas 2018

I feel that I haven't written in ages and I'm right, I haven't put fingertips to laptop for quite a while.  Well, what's been happening you may ask? Thank you for asking; in October I met with the local NHS Trust psychiatrist in the quest to determine whether I had Bipolar II as well as the other mental health baggage: namely autism and clinical depression.  It really doesn't seem that I have because my 'highs' aren't elevated or manic enough and I'm not given to doing mad irrational things like taking Class A drugs, piloting a plane or climbing Mount Everest.  Nope, I have no plans to do any of that kind of thing.

So ... I'm seemingly uni-polar and that's about it.  I have been keeping a mood diary since coming off of all SSRIs and yes, it's been tough - more ups and down than a seesaw on some days.  I'm trying to keep a low profile at home and don't really go out much at the moment.  I'm due to see the psychiatrist in early January, so I'll update you from there.

Post #128 - Four Years On ... A Lift In The Gloom

Next month will mark four years since that eureka moment and I finally realised that I am autistic.  So much has happened during this time and I think that, finally, I am coming to terms with it all.  Recently I seem to have emerged from a fug of gloom and even reduced my Fluoxitine daily intake (an SSRI anti-depressant medication) from 30mg down to 20mg and I hope to be able to decrease it further down to 10mg during the next few months.

I'm not really sure what has happened in my brain recently, but it feels so much lighter and I'm more cheerful as a result.  Usually once the clocks go back in late October I am depressed as hell and used to think that it was related to the lack of sunlight or Seasonal Affected Disorder (SAD), this may still be so, but I really couldn't say.  I am also looking forward to Christmas(!) which is bizarre.  Bring on Macca singing Wonderful Christmastime I say.  In the video he's seen, with the other remaining members of Wings (namely Linda McCartney and Denny Laine) buying drinks in a festively-decorated Sussex public house.  Nice.

I am always grateful for supportive friends; a chosen few have stuck by me during the 'wilderness years'.  I cannot really say that I have a great deal of time for most people, but there are some truly wonderful people out there.

Post #8 - Aspies and Depression

The medical term for this kind of incidence is a 'co-morbid', but this isn't particularly popular with many people for quite obvious reasons.  Morbidity tends to be something which isn't particularly sought after, a bit like the term 'morbidly obese'.  Anyway, 'related condition' sounds much better.  I recall the first time I became depressed - I was about nine-years-old at the time and it occurred just after Christmas when I'd been suffering from a chest infection.  It was pretty horrible.

Yes, depression or clinical depression if you want to be 100% accurate.  I think this is why many people with Autism/AS tend to be mis-diagnosed with bipolar disorder or other conditions such as Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD, although that moniker tends to make me think of Madonna's early 80s hit.  I think it's mostly because an Aspie's world is a confusing one and trying to confirm to what many may call a 'social norm' is difficult and incredibly draining.  I also believe that the onset of autumn makes me topple into Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD).  Hey ho - plenty of walking around outside for me tomorrow.