I feel that I haven't written in ages and I'm right, I haven't put fingertips to laptop for quite a while. Well, what's been happening you may ask? Thank you for asking; in October I met with the local NHS Trust psychiatrist in the quest to determine whether I had Bipolar II as well as the other mental health baggage: namely autism and clinical depression. It really doesn't seem that I have because my 'highs' aren't elevated or manic enough and I'm not given to doing mad irrational things like taking Class A drugs, piloting a plane or climbing Mount Everest. Nope, I have no plans to do any of that kind of thing.
So ... I'm seemingly uni-polar and that's about it. I have been keeping a mood diary since coming off of all SSRIs and yes, it's been tough - more ups and down than a seesaw on some days. I'm trying to keep a low profile at home and don't really go out much at the moment. I'm due to see the psychiatrist in early January, so I'll update you from there.
Showing posts with label bipolar II. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bipolar II. Show all posts
Monday, 17 December 2018
Wednesday, 4 July 2018
Post #138 - Being An Independent Aspie
Mind you, but 'independent' I mean living with my husband and son, but hey, I'm not useless. Far from it. I think the experiences I've lived through over the past few weeks have really cemented the fact that I need to extricate myself from any charities, associations and anything connected to group activities. The truth is the matter is that I'm just not a team player and cannot understand or indeed, abide, working with others, especially those with disabilities. This isn't me being unfair or prejudiced - I just find other autistic people to be very tricky to deal with, as I'm sure that they do me! I find myself getting very argumentative with them, that's for sure ...
In other news I'm on the NHS's waiting list for a diagnosis of Bipolar II; I saw my GP a week or so ago and I do meet the clinical threshold to be referred to a psychiatrist for further investigation. I'm still experiencing symptoms of hypomania and wonder quite how long they'll last as it's been just over a month now. It sounds better than it actually is, believe me!
In other news I'm on the NHS's waiting list for a diagnosis of Bipolar II; I saw my GP a week or so ago and I do meet the clinical threshold to be referred to a psychiatrist for further investigation. I'm still experiencing symptoms of hypomania and wonder quite how long they'll last as it's been just over a month now. It sounds better than it actually is, believe me!
Monday, 18 June 2018
Post #135 - Behind The Mask
Do you ever, like me, stop and think, 'why the hell do I bother even attempting to help people?' Maybe you do, perhaps you don't? Yep, I can be a right angry bear at times, but the truth of the matter is that I'm really frustrated by life at the moment. Regular readers of this blog will know that I took redundancy from the civil service just over two years ago and since then, I've been searching for something meaningful to fill my time. As I've frequently mused upon, finding gainful employment is almost impossible for people with Autism, but with a little tweaking, the skills I've picked up during my career in the public sector can be transferred across to the voluntary sector.
Take for example: charity work; yes, it can be rewarding and annoying in equal measure, but recently the pendulum is swinging towards the latter option. Why? Well, let's define the verb itself (credit: Google Dictionary)
... from 'autos' meaning 'self' - so in a word, selfish. I'm increasingly getting really fed up with this particular aspect of the condition. Autistic people can be complete unreasonable arseholes at times and as for some, and by no means all, parents of children/adults on the spectrum, they're bloody worse - rude, entitled and demanding as hell. Writing as somebody, who, until her late thirties, knew something was wrong, but not exactly what, I've been musing it for a while now. I did exist in the world, held down a career, got married, had a son and generally masked my condition. I've been 'unmasked' for nearly five years and hey, I just want to grab the mask back, stick it back on my face and return to a world when autism was something which happened to other people. I know that it's impossible to do that, especially as my son's on the spectrum and it would be frankly ridiculous concept, but I'm coming out of the other side, it'll take a while, but it'll be fine.
My recent PIP assessment made me re-address my past history, with special reference to the last five years or so and directly led to a bout of hypomania which has lasted for two weeks now. It's not a nice feeling - think of a swarm of bees buzzing in your skull and you'll have some idea.
Take for example: charity work; yes, it can be rewarding and annoying in equal measure, but recently the pendulum is swinging towards the latter option. Why? Well, let's define the verb itself (credit: Google Dictionary)
autism
ˈɔːtɪz(ə)m/
noun
- a mental condition, present from early childhood, characterized by great difficulty in communicating and forming relationships with other people and in using language and abstract concepts.
... from 'autos' meaning 'self' - so in a word, selfish. I'm increasingly getting really fed up with this particular aspect of the condition. Autistic people can be complete unreasonable arseholes at times and as for some, and by no means all, parents of children/adults on the spectrum, they're bloody worse - rude, entitled and demanding as hell. Writing as somebody, who, until her late thirties, knew something was wrong, but not exactly what, I've been musing it for a while now. I did exist in the world, held down a career, got married, had a son and generally masked my condition. I've been 'unmasked' for nearly five years and hey, I just want to grab the mask back, stick it back on my face and return to a world when autism was something which happened to other people. I know that it's impossible to do that, especially as my son's on the spectrum and it would be frankly ridiculous concept, but I'm coming out of the other side, it'll take a while, but it'll be fine.
My recent PIP assessment made me re-address my past history, with special reference to the last five years or so and directly led to a bout of hypomania which has lasted for two weeks now. It's not a nice feeling - think of a swarm of bees buzzing in your skull and you'll have some idea.
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