Post #128 - Four Years On ... A Lift In The Gloom

Next month will mark four years since that eureka moment and I finally realised that I am autistic.  So much has happened during this time and I think that, finally, I am coming to terms with it all.  Recently I seem to have emerged from a fug of gloom and even reduced my Fluoxitine daily intake (an SSRI anti-depressant medication) from 30mg down to 20mg and I hope to be able to decrease it further down to 10mg during the next few months.

I'm not really sure what has happened in my brain recently, but it feels so much lighter and I'm more cheerful as a result.  Usually once the clocks go back in late October I am depressed as hell and used to think that it was related to the lack of sunlight or Seasonal Affected Disorder (SAD), this may still be so, but I really couldn't say.  I am also looking forward to Christmas(!) which is bizarre.  Bring on Macca singing Wonderful Christmastime I say.  In the video he's seen, with the other remaining members of Wings (namely Linda McCartney and Denny Laine) buying drinks in a festively-decorated Sussex public house.  Nice.

I am always grateful for supportive friends; a chosen few have stuck by me during the 'wilderness years'.  I cannot really say that I have a great deal of time for most people, but there are some truly wonderful people out there.

Post #90 - Anxiety (Low Level Panic)

Being socially awkward as a result of both my upbringing and having Asperger's is a blessing and a curse. So far, this week I have attended a focus group, a seminar, an evening class and a trip to the see 'Beauty and the Beast' in 3D at my local cinema. Due to the unreliability of local bus services and Transport For London's frankly rubbish online tracking system, I also had to cancel a night out with a friend at the cinema (which is located at the end of an extremely trafficky route.)

Mind you, all this is nothing compared to the events which occurred in Westminster yesterday, so context is key.

Taking an increased daily dose 40mg instead of 20mg of Fluoxitine makes me feel as though there's an opaque wall surrounding me. I'm not sure whether it's really helping to combat the anxiety though?