Post #128 - Four Years On ... A Lift In The Gloom

Next month will mark four years since that eureka moment and I finally realised that I am autistic.  So much has happened during this time and I think that, finally, I am coming to terms with it all.  Recently I seem to have emerged from a fug of gloom and even reduced my Fluoxitine daily intake (an SSRI anti-depressant medication) from 30mg down to 20mg and I hope to be able to decrease it further down to 10mg during the next few months.

I'm not really sure what has happened in my brain recently, but it feels so much lighter and I'm more cheerful as a result.  Usually once the clocks go back in late October I am depressed as hell and used to think that it was related to the lack of sunlight or Seasonal Affected Disorder (SAD), this may still be so, but I really couldn't say.  I am also looking forward to Christmas(!) which is bizarre.  Bring on Macca singing Wonderful Christmastime I say.  In the video he's seen, with the other remaining members of Wings (namely Linda McCartney and Denny Laine) buying drinks in a festively-decorated Sussex public house.  Nice.

I am always grateful for supportive friends; a chosen few have stuck by me during the 'wilderness years'.  I cannot really say that I have a great deal of time for most people, but there are some truly wonderful people out there.

Post #27: Depression, Medication and Masking

When I write the term 'Behind The Mask' it puts me in mind of the 1980s song by guitar superhero Eric 'Slowhand' Clapton. There's an excellent lecture on the contents of the aforementioned rock star's bookcase which I once saw performed at one of the Boring Conferences, but seriously though ....

Masking is no joke: the act of hiding one's autistic traits is difficult, tiring and ultimately destructive. I can no longer do it: ergo I cannot function in certain atmospheres. "Why should you?" You may ask? "People are more aware of autism these days?" Well, they're not, they're really not.

I've been on antidepressants for the past eighteen months now: initially on Setraline, but that made me far too weary. Six months in my GP switched me to Fluoxitine; I take 40mg daily, but over the summer tried to reduce it to 20mg. On medical advice I'm back to 40mg.