Post #102 - Trying To Work Out Peoples' Motives

Being the huge Aspie I am, I often struggle with trying to work out what people actually want from me.  I know that that sounds bizarre, but meeting, maintaining and quite frankly, keeping friends is an almost impossible feat for me.  I just cannot work out the signals.  I also write in an increasingly blunt way, with no heed for others' feelings.

One of my main issues surrounds my increasing inability to support friends with Mental Health (MH) issues.  As an Aspie, my empathy (EQ) score is really low and I just cannot do it.  I have had some awful experiences in the past with people (usually with MH conditions) getting too close and literally trying to take over my life.  As soon as I think that history is beginning to repeat itself then I'll push things to facilitate a permanent split.  It's an odd thing to do, I agree, but it's the only thing that I feel safe doing. I don't wish to upset my current home situation, that's for sure.  My son Master Logic, now he's nearing puberty, is becoming more difficult and demanding by the day.

I know that, at this time of writing, that I really should be doing more with my life and I totally agree.  I have seriously been considering a return to full-time work, but regular readers of this blog will be aware what happened to me back in September 2016 and I have no wish to repeat this.  Office jobs and working with people generally makes me very unwell indeed and I lost count of the amount of times I went AWOL from jobs - I was threatened with dismissal on more than one occasion.  I just cannot cope.

I'm taking on various freelance projects at the moment, which I enjoy and I'm soon to taking over some of the communications work for my local branch of the National Autistic Society and hope to expand that as much as I possibly can.  I am intelligent and as such, need an outlet.  It doesn't really help that I was made redundant though; don't get me wrong, it was the right thing to do, but I'm so much better than this, but I cannot be - it's a dichotomy.

Post #87 - Autism Research Project - AQ, EQ and SQ scores

I received an email from my local NAS branch inviting those with autism (or a child/relative with the condition) to volunteer their services to assist with a research project, so I did exactly that.  Part of the registration process was re-doing the AQ, EQ and SQ tests which I completed back in 2015.  I don't mind sharing my results, which are as follows:

AQ (Autism Quotent) - Score: 43/50 (men usually score about 17 and women score about 15) 32-50 is a very high score.  

This questionnaire measures the number of autistic traits an individual has.  The higher your score, the more traits you have.  The maximum score is 50.

EQ (Empathy Quotent) - Score: 18/80 (men usually score about 42 and women score about 47.  0-32 is a low score.

This questionnaire measures empathising.  Empathising refers to the ability to identify and respond appropriately to another person's thoughts and feelings. The higher your score, the more empathetic you are.  The maximum score is 80.  

SQ (Systemising Quotent) - Score: 88/160 (men usually score about 64 and women about 54) 79-99 is a high score.

This questionnaire measures systemising.  Systemising is the drive to understand the rules governing the behaviour of a system and the drive to construct lawful systems.  The higher your score, the better at systemising you are.  The maximum score is 160.  

Rightio - I'm still autistic then!?

Post #4 - The Private Diagnosis

Now, I won't provide too many details on who actually carried out my private diagnosis, but let's just say that he's well renowned in his field.  It took the form of three separate interactions: the first being at his private practice where he talked me through my notes and asked me to elaborate on various points.  As ever, I was accompanied by my husband who's always a constant source of support.  I recall becoming tearful as I often do when probed about my past; I wish that I didn't, but that's just me.  I was deemed serious enough to qualify to the next stage of the process.  The Psychologist asked me to write a detailed account of my life to date and my husband was requested to do the same.  On reflection and chats with my mentor have found this to be far too detailed, but it was my opinion that he would extract certain elements out of my life story, not just cut and paste it in!

I also had to complete the AQ, EQ and SQ questionnaires - there's a link to these, plus a whole load of other ASC material here: http://www.autismresearchcentre.com/arc_tests  I cannot recall my exact scores on each and quite frankly I don't really wish to provide them at this stage, but the results all fell within the 'yes, you're definitely an Aspie' range.

The day of the diagnosis fell and it took place at work which is located in central London.  I booked a meeting room large enough for three, unfortunately all of the meeting rooms in the building have paper thin walls and you could hear a mouse cough next door.  So, it was supposed to take up to five hours.  Yes, really.  We set up and worked through a series of tests, but I couldn't concentrate as there was somebody in the office next door shouting down the telephone.  We had to ask him to desist, but I couldn't fully engage, I rarely can.

The puzzle element was difficult for me and I didn't recognise all of the weird facial expressions shown on the Psychologist's iPad - in fact, they closely resembled one of my friends, which was nice, albeit bizarre.  You'll be pleased to learn that I excelled at the definitions of words and my voice became monotone at various points. 

The conclusion: after a mere four hours(!) was that yes, I have Asperger Syndrome and no, it no longer exists as part of the DSM V:  http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/all-about-diagnosis/changes-to-diagnostic-criteria/qanda-dsm-5.aspx  Huh!  I'm an Aspie, no doubt about it.