Yep, it's that time again. Also, it's my 131st post and that particular number reminds me of the #131 bus route which runs between Kingston and Wimbledon (oooh, bus fact ...)
Christmas was quiet this year, mainly because we've all come down with terrible colds and in Mr Logic's case, an annoying hacking cough, which I know that he cannot help, but I am an an irascible aspie at the best of times. This was our second festive season as a threesome (minus the cats!) as after the social discomfort* of Christmas 2015, we no longer host anyone else; why should we? My brother always works over this period, raking it in with his overtime payments. Put it like this - we've had years of stress and it's taken its toll and just because I'm female, why the hell should I be responsible for hosting family events every bloody year? Not me, that's for sure.
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*I guess that this is public forum, so I shouldn't got into too much detail, but rest assured my mother's tearful ranting at my husband regarding my brother's inability to read an email containing the details of a list of suggested gifts for his nephew didn't go down well.
Friday, 29 December 2017
Friday, 15 December 2017
Post #130 - The Next Door Neighbours' Christmas Drinks
"Tonight's The Night" as Rod Stewart once sang. Well, as I am not much of a social butterfly these days, but I do make a concerted effort to go out and meet other people. Every year, on a Friday, our delightful octogenarian next-door-neighbours host a 'mince pie and sherry evening.' I tend to spend the first forty-five minutes or so in their front room, sipping a glass of wine and watching the room slowly fill up with a mix of the current and former residents of our road.
After that, it becomes more uncomfortable; there's always a whole load of fannying around regarding seating and the voices begin to rise in both loudness and pitch. I often have to stifle a laugh when the conversation turns to subjects such as these:
"Did you hear about poor old Mabel?"
"Oh yes, well, me and Wilf listened to the screaming through the party wall."
"It went on and on didn't it? You would have thought that the Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse had just turned up in a Transit Van!"
"Still, it was a merciful end after all of those years spent wracked with pain."
"And a lovely send off too - beautiful hymns and Mrs Garrity's seed cake was a rare treat."
*Edit*
Actually, I didn't go - citing that my cold was too bad and I was concerned about my elderly neighbour being exposed to viruses as she's in treatment for leukemia. According to Mr Logic, the whole do was ruined by the continual boasting of the opinionated female member of the former neighbours who now live in a better postcode (actually, it isn't - it's a newish estate located in an area which used to feature a former mental institution - so stick that in your pipe and smoke it!)
After that, it becomes more uncomfortable; there's always a whole load of fannying around regarding seating and the voices begin to rise in both loudness and pitch. I often have to stifle a laugh when the conversation turns to subjects such as these:
"Did you hear about poor old Mabel?"
"Oh yes, well, me and Wilf listened to the screaming through the party wall."
"It went on and on didn't it? You would have thought that the Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse had just turned up in a Transit Van!"
"Still, it was a merciful end after all of those years spent wracked with pain."
"And a lovely send off too - beautiful hymns and Mrs Garrity's seed cake was a rare treat."
*Edit*
Actually, I didn't go - citing that my cold was too bad and I was concerned about my elderly neighbour being exposed to viruses as she's in treatment for leukemia. According to Mr Logic, the whole do was ruined by the continual boasting of the opinionated female member of the former neighbours who now live in a better postcode (actually, it isn't - it's a newish estate located in an area which used to feature a former mental institution - so stick that in your pipe and smoke it!)
Saturday, 25 November 2017
Post #129 - The City Lit
Now, if you know me then you'll be aware that I am one for self-improvement. I attended a one-day 'A Taste Of Journalism' Course today at The City Lit, which is an extra mural-type seat of learning institution based in Covent Garden, central London. It was hard work, but I think that I got quite a lot out of it. I am aware that I don't really feel comfortable about going up to people and interviewing them though. That's probably why I didn't choose journalism as a career when I was 18.
That said, I love to write and plan to continue for as long as my fingers remain supple. I am a legend in my own lunchtime.
That said, I love to write and plan to continue for as long as my fingers remain supple. I am a legend in my own lunchtime.
Tuesday, 21 November 2017
Post #128 - Four Years On ... A Lift In The Gloom
Next month will mark four years since that eureka moment and I finally realised that I am autistic. So much has happened during this time and I think that, finally, I am coming to terms with it all. Recently I seem to have emerged from a fug of gloom and even reduced my Fluoxitine daily intake (an SSRI anti-depressant medication) from 30mg down to 20mg and I hope to be able to decrease it further down to 10mg during the next few months.
I'm not really sure what has happened in my brain recently, but it feels so much lighter and I'm more cheerful as a result. Usually once the clocks go back in late October I am depressed as hell and used to think that it was related to the lack of sunlight or Seasonal Affected Disorder (SAD), this may still be so, but I really couldn't say. I am also looking forward to Christmas(!) which is bizarre. Bring on Macca singing Wonderful Christmastime I say. In the video he's seen, with the other remaining members of Wings (namely Linda McCartney and Denny Laine) buying drinks in a festively-decorated Sussex public house. Nice.
I am always grateful for supportive friends; a chosen few have stuck by me during the 'wilderness years'. I cannot really say that I have a great deal of time for most people, but there are some truly wonderful people out there.
I'm not really sure what has happened in my brain recently, but it feels so much lighter and I'm more cheerful as a result. Usually once the clocks go back in late October I am depressed as hell and used to think that it was related to the lack of sunlight or Seasonal Affected Disorder (SAD), this may still be so, but I really couldn't say. I am also looking forward to Christmas(!) which is bizarre. Bring on Macca singing Wonderful Christmastime I say. In the video he's seen, with the other remaining members of Wings (namely Linda McCartney and Denny Laine) buying drinks in a festively-decorated Sussex public house. Nice.
I am always grateful for supportive friends; a chosen few have stuck by me during the 'wilderness years'. I cannot really say that I have a great deal of time for most people, but there are some truly wonderful people out there.
Thursday, 16 November 2017
Post #127 - The Curse Of The Ten-year-Old Liar
My son Master Logic has morphed into a compulsive liar over the last six months or so. His cheeky insolence and sarcasm is also grating on me as well as his father, Mr Logic. Two weeks ago there was a bit of a disturbing incident in the kitchen which led to a raft of shouting and tears. This afternoon I found him reading Bob's WhatsApp messages on the latter's smartphone.
About 10pm tonight I decided to have a shower and get into bed to read Peter Davison's autobiography (which is excellent by the way ...) I placed my phone on the bedside cabinet and popped next door to the bathroom. Master Logic interrupted my ablutions by knocking on the door pretending to be his teddy bear, Samuel (don't ask ...) when I emerged, wrapped in a towel, I found that my phone was gone. After the whole palaver of Bob ringing the phone (unfortunately it was on vibrate only ) it was found under the (dusty!) bed. Master L then admitted to hiding it there.
I despair, I really do.
About 10pm tonight I decided to have a shower and get into bed to read Peter Davison's autobiography (which is excellent by the way ...) I placed my phone on the bedside cabinet and popped next door to the bathroom. Master Logic interrupted my ablutions by knocking on the door pretending to be his teddy bear, Samuel (don't ask ...) when I emerged, wrapped in a towel, I found that my phone was gone. After the whole palaver of Bob ringing the phone (unfortunately it was on vibrate only ) it was found under the (dusty!) bed. Master L then admitted to hiding it there.
I despair, I really do.
Monday, 6 November 2017
Post #126 - The 'B' Word
Yep - it's 'bullying' and my son, Master Logic's to be exact. The trouble is that Master Logic isn't the most truthful or honest person in the world, so getting to the bottom of what is, or isn't happening is nigh on impossible. We have emailed his class teacher a couple of times and she assures us that it is being dealt with. Maybe the kid in question is being deceitful, but we just don't know?
Wednesday, 1 November 2017
Post #125 - Charity Twittering
This morning I attended an 'Introduction To Twitter' course which was run by my local volunteers' centre. It was really great to be able to help set up BridgingAutism's new Twitter account and to finally start Tweeting in earnest. Call me Mrs Sadcase, but I really enjoy doing comms work; granted that I'm not the greatest communicator on the planet, it's nice to feel useful and to be able to make a difference, however small.
Monday, 30 October 2017
Post #124 - Secondary School E-Application Process
Phew! I have just clicked and submitted both the form and the four (yes, four) attachments (medical history parts one and two, council tax form and Master Logic's birth certificate). Believe me, it's a right palaver, but fingers crossed, he'll be granted his first choice of non-selective secondary school come next March. Myself and my husband have been rather stressed about the whole thing (plus other, unrelated occurrences*, hence my shoulder is playing up with stress once again ...)
For those planning this for the future, please note that you'll require a document from your GP explaining all of your child's medical history. We were rather late in applying for this and for the princely sum of £25, we received a print out of Ted's medical record from 2010. Hmm - if any SENCo has the time to plough through all of that, I wish them luck; personally, I would have liked to see a comprehensive document explaining the background to each medical condition, when he was first diagnosed, how it affects his day to day life and any medication he takes to relieve/reduce the symptoms.
*Issues with volunteering; next door being burgled; not being awarded my PIP etc
For those planning this for the future, please note that you'll require a document from your GP explaining all of your child's medical history. We were rather late in applying for this and for the princely sum of £25, we received a print out of Ted's medical record from 2010. Hmm - if any SENCo has the time to plough through all of that, I wish them luck; personally, I would have liked to see a comprehensive document explaining the background to each medical condition, when he was first diagnosed, how it affects his day to day life and any medication he takes to relieve/reduce the symptoms.
*Issues with volunteering; next door being burgled; not being awarded my PIP etc
Saturday, 28 October 2017
Post #123 - I've Looked At Your Claim And Decided I Can't Award You Personal Independence Payment
I received a letter from DWP in this morning's post stating that I have been declined any form of support in regard to Personal Independence Payment (PIP), which is bloody galling. I am now online to draft my 'Mandatory Reconsideration Notice'. If nothing else, I really want to highlight the issue that Atos assessors have very little knowledge of autism and the associated mental health issues.
Sunday, 22 October 2017
Post #122 - Atypical [The Netflix Series]
Whilst searching for Candyman: Farewell To The Flesh* http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112625/?ref_=nv_sr_2 on Netflix I stumbled across this US series. I have watched S1 Eps 1 and 2 and Ep2 and really enjoyed it. It is much more preferable to other 'Aspie' series such as The Big Bang Theory, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0898266/?ref_=nv_sr_1which I believe perpetuates the myth that all Aspies posess genius level intelligence. Ha. Also, on Netflix there's a film called Jane Wants A Boyfriend: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3302654/ which I rather enjoyed too as the titular character is a female Aspie, but the actress who portrays her isn't on the spectrum.
*I later watched forty-six minutes of it and gave up. It wasn't a patch on the original.
*I later watched forty-six minutes of it and gave up. It wasn't a patch on the original.
Tuesday, 17 October 2017
Post #121 - Asperger's And Me - Chris Packham's Documentary
I have just finished watching the documentary, which I enjoyed very much. Prior to me finding out that we share an Asperger's diagnosis, I had seen Chris Packham appear on various shows and particularly recall him saying on Room 101 that he threw away a series of children's drawings that he removed from a friend's kitchen. Bizarre.
Anyway, so many of Chris's oddities chimed with my own, although I have never eaten a tadpole, licked a beetle or practised kestrel husbandry. Male Asperger's does project differently though.
As for the autism 'cures' over in the US, I don't really agree. There's also an interesting Louis Theroux documentary about the same subject area. It was sad, as a parent of an autistic son myself, to see a mother in pain.
My thoughts are that it's all very well to concentrate on an Aspergian's special qualities, but let's be frank, nobody really wants to employ you, do they? Most of us are devoid of work. A greater understanding of Autism/Asperger's is definitely required, but from previous experience I know that this can be difficult. I will try to make it my life's work(!) to educate and inform people as much as I can, this is the main reason why I write this blog.
Anyway, so many of Chris's oddities chimed with my own, although I have never eaten a tadpole, licked a beetle or practised kestrel husbandry. Male Asperger's does project differently though.
As for the autism 'cures' over in the US, I don't really agree. There's also an interesting Louis Theroux documentary about the same subject area. It was sad, as a parent of an autistic son myself, to see a mother in pain.
My thoughts are that it's all very well to concentrate on an Aspergian's special qualities, but let's be frank, nobody really wants to employ you, do they? Most of us are devoid of work. A greater understanding of Autism/Asperger's is definitely required, but from previous experience I know that this can be difficult. I will try to make it my life's work(!) to educate and inform people as much as I can, this is the main reason why I write this blog.
Monday, 16 October 2017
Post #120 - Error 404 - Page Not Found
To bring you, the reader, up-to-date I have decided to cease my volunteer work for a wee while. I wish that I could take criticism on the chin, I really do, but I cannot. Therefore I made the decision to take the website offline.
Ya boo sucks to nobody. I wish that I were different. I don't think that I'm a people person - actually, I'll come out and admit it - I'm really not.
Ya boo sucks to nobody. I wish that I were different. I don't think that I'm a people person - actually, I'll come out and admit it - I'm really not.
Sunday, 8 October 2017
Post #119 - Socialising [Insert Excuse Here ...]
Back in May, when my husband and me joined the committee of our local autism charity I wrote a blog post questioning how long I would last. Well ... it's now October and I'm struggling. Without going into too much detail and outing anyone, the committee is not really prepared to understand that autism exists in a) females, and b) into adulthood. This is a bit of a missed opportunity in my opinion.
I experience such profound issues with socialising that I actively avoid it. Yesterday, I was supposed to attend a meet up with a few former colleagues I worked with back in 1998-2000, but I just couldn't cope with entering a busy public house at 7:30pm on a Saturday night. Therefore I made an excuse. As for pootling along to a committee Christmas do at a vintage tea room, that's a bit beyond me too - also, my dispraxia would mean that I'd probably break the chichi bone china crockery.
Edit: after sharing this post online via Facebook and Twitter, I received some feedback and I have just emailed the Branch Officer to seek her advice regarding the charity conundrum.
I experience such profound issues with socialising that I actively avoid it. Yesterday, I was supposed to attend a meet up with a few former colleagues I worked with back in 1998-2000, but I just couldn't cope with entering a busy public house at 7:30pm on a Saturday night. Therefore I made an excuse. As for pootling along to a committee Christmas do at a vintage tea room, that's a bit beyond me too - also, my dispraxia would mean that I'd probably break the chichi bone china crockery.
Edit: after sharing this post online via Facebook and Twitter, I received some feedback and I have just emailed the Branch Officer to seek her advice regarding the charity conundrum.
Thursday, 5 October 2017
Post #118 - Secondary Transfer
Master Logic is now in Year 6 and as such, will transfer to secondary school next year. Today was the day that the results of the borough's selection tests (the 11+ in old money ...) were announced and as you can imagine - the playground was buzzing with parents discussing their offspring's future?
Pah - we didn't even put Master Logic forward for the tests; we sought the advice of a wide range of professionals and the fact that he has the wonderful triad of ASD/ADHD and GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) there was little or no point believing that, even if he'd even been deemed 'selective' that he'd be able to cope with the academic rigours of attending one of the borough's four grammar schools? I sat the very same test back in the mid 1980s and failed it as did both of my brothers. It's not a nice thought really - being deemed a 'failure' at the tender age of ten or eleven.
Pah - we didn't even put Master Logic forward for the tests; we sought the advice of a wide range of professionals and the fact that he has the wonderful triad of ASD/ADHD and GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) there was little or no point believing that, even if he'd even been deemed 'selective' that he'd be able to cope with the academic rigours of attending one of the borough's four grammar schools? I sat the very same test back in the mid 1980s and failed it as did both of my brothers. It's not a nice thought really - being deemed a 'failure' at the tender age of ten or eleven.
Tuesday, 19 September 2017
Post #117 - Volunteering Woes
As regular readers may be aware, that since May, I have been working as the volunteer communications officer in the local branch of my chosen charity. This involves drafting the monthly newsletter plus creating and webmastering the new online presence (the website). My problem is that I'm not a perfectionist by nature and never have been, nor intend to be. This does cause a few issues in regard to working alongside more picky or strident people, as happened during my career quite a few times - it's those Belbin Team roles thing again! I also take criticism badly and extremely personally. I suppose that being an autistic female I should understand things a little better, but believe me, most people thing seem to think that I'm wholly unaffected by the condition. I'm really not and my autism tends to come out more in certain environments. Often I feel that I just don't know the right way to do things at times; dealing with slightly sensitive topics such as disability means that I'm inclined to put my huge size 9 feet in certain places I should not.
It doesn't mean that I want to give up though - I really don't and plan to try to make a difference somehow. It's just so hard for me - at least I was actually paid money to deal with this kind of thing during my career, now that I'm doing it for free it seems to piss me off so much more.
*Update* - 4th October 2017
Due to the fact that I couldn't really see what the build site looked like on the world wide web, I published the website live last week. Apart from my husband (and now the bloggersphere, such as it is) I have told nobody. The committee meeting is tomorrow morning ...
I am planning to emigrate tonight.
*Update* - 22nd October 2017
Both myself and my husband quit the charity last Thursday. Apologies if my rather abrupt communication style and blog upset anyone - I really didn't mean to. Thank you to the Branch Officer too - you were great.
It doesn't mean that I want to give up though - I really don't and plan to try to make a difference somehow. It's just so hard for me - at least I was actually paid money to deal with this kind of thing during my career, now that I'm doing it for free it seems to piss me off so much more.
*Update* - 4th October 2017
Due to the fact that I couldn't really see what the build site looked like on the world wide web, I published the website live last week. Apart from my husband (and now the bloggersphere, such as it is) I have told nobody. The committee meeting is tomorrow morning ...
I am planning to emigrate tonight.
*Update* - 22nd October 2017
Both myself and my husband quit the charity last Thursday. Apologies if my rather abrupt communication style and blog upset anyone - I really didn't mean to. Thank you to the Branch Officer too - you were great.
Tuesday, 12 September 2017
Post #116 - Gaming In The 1980s
When I was a child growing up in the 1980s, video gaming was very much in its infancy. Saying that, me and my two brothers were bought handheld electronic games though (complete with the mandatory four way chunky adaptor). My stepfather purchased a Sinclair ZX81 early in the decade and then we upgraded to a 48K model (in full colour!) about a year later and hooked it up to our Sony Trinitron 14in portable television. My first great love was Thro' The Wall which was included on the Spectrum Horizons introductory cassette.
Thro' The Wall (bring on the wall?) was a bit like Sir Clive's ersatz version of Space Invaders. That said, it was better in my eyes (way back then because I didn't have to venture into scary amusement arcades ...) My mum enjoyed it, especially when the puck managed to penetrate the top row of bricks(!)
Daley Thompson's Decathalon was another favourite in our household. My older brother broke the keyboard/motherboard by continually pounding away at it with two fingers and later on, a technical Lego wheel he made especially for the purpose of beating his younger siblings.
Also, I tended to like those extended adventure games such as Everyone's A Wally. This was a follow up from the classic Pyjamarama and included the same cast of characters, namely Wally Weeks and his family. I never completed this game, but still enjoy watching the game play on YouTube.
Mum (and my stepfather by then) purchased a 128K Spectrum after a couple of years and we played with that instead. I can't say that I really noticed much improvement in its computing power though.
Thro' The Wall (bring on the wall?) was a bit like Sir Clive's ersatz version of Space Invaders. That said, it was better in my eyes (way back then because I didn't have to venture into scary amusement arcades ...) My mum enjoyed it, especially when the puck managed to penetrate the top row of bricks(!)
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Daley Thompson's Decathalon was another favourite in our household. My older brother broke the keyboard/motherboard by continually pounding away at it with two fingers and later on, a technical Lego wheel he made especially for the purpose of beating his younger siblings.
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Also, I tended to like those extended adventure games such as Everyone's A Wally. This was a follow up from the classic Pyjamarama and included the same cast of characters, namely Wally Weeks and his family. I never completed this game, but still enjoy watching the game play on YouTube.
Mum (and my stepfather by then) purchased a 128K Spectrum after a couple of years and we played with that instead. I can't say that I really noticed much improvement in its computing power though.
Wednesday, 2 August 2017
Post #115 - Operation Desert Storm [Out]
Oh, I don't know at times, I find that as I grow older that I have less and less patience. Take this morning for example, I was booked to complete a survey which was slated to take one hour this morning and a further hour tomorrow. Fair enough - I'm always punctual and polite with such tasks. Unfortunately the whole thing went belly up and I was kept waiting around for twenty minutes or more with the remnants of food test #1 of 5. I did complain quite loudly, but was ignored, so I flounced out. It was a pity really, as that's £30 I've lost as a result.
Patience is a virtue I guess, but not necessarily one that I possess.
Patience is a virtue I guess, but not necessarily one that I possess.
Tuesday, 18 July 2017
Post #114 - Learning About Life The Hard Way
I am a bit of a mug about certain things. You think that I'd learn, wouldn't you? Well, I guess that I wouldn't be human if I didn't err sometimes, but I do take criticism to heart far too deeply at times.
Sunday, 9 July 2017
Post #113 - Just Dance, Websites and Being Rather Silly
I'll admit it - I'm not the world's most diligent person - half the time I'm not sure whether it's the SSRI antidepressant medication that I'm taking or the fact that I'm a natural sloth? Anyhoo, I'm currently forcing myself to work out on the Wii using the Just Dance series of games which I purchased second-hand from the CEX Entertainment Exchange shop (yes, I always cringe when I have to use that particular acronym - it's a bit like being back at school ...)
I'm also designing a website for my local branch of NAS, which a really helpful member of a sister charity has set up for me. I have to show it to the committee on Tuesday morning, but I'm having a bit of a play on the biography section at the moment:
Yes, I am a very silly person at times.
I'm also designing a website for my local branch of NAS, which a really helpful member of a sister charity has set up for me. I have to show it to the committee on Tuesday morning, but I'm having a bit of a play on the biography section at the moment:
Yes, I am a very silly person at times.
Tuesday, 20 June 2017
Post #112 - The Autism Research Centre (ARC)
Yesterday, after re-watching the excellent BBC Horizon programme presented by Professor Dame Uta Frith (PDUF!), which was first broadcast back in 2014 (here's a link to the background information about the documentary: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0404861 and another, taking the reader to PDUF's interview concerning the 'theory of mind' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsEP7QTIVT0
Today I have sent off my DNA sample to the Autism Research Centre, based at the UK's centre of autism research, Cambridge University and whilst I was logged onto their website, decided to complete a series of online tests, which quite frankly, made my brain hurt! Oh well, it's all in a good cause I guess?
Monday, 19 June 2017
Post #111 - The Times They Are A Changin' ...
Sang Robert Zimmerman back in the 1960s. My time is changing too and finally I'm finding my feet. I have made the decision to let my main Facebook account go dormant and use my other one instead because it only contains two people who currently work in the civil service on my list of friends. Why? Well, simply because my life is moving on.
*Update*
On New Year's Eve 2018 I started the deletion process for my main Facebook account (after transferring all of the pictures across to my laptop first!) It wasn't an easy decision to make, but hey - I'm no longer a civil servant and really want to make the break from former colleagues.
*Update*
On New Year's Eve 2018 I started the deletion process for my main Facebook account (after transferring all of the pictures across to my laptop first!) It wasn't an easy decision to make, but hey - I'm no longer a civil servant and really want to make the break from former colleagues.
Thursday, 15 June 2017
Post #110 - Local Adult Autism Support Groups
There are quite a few groups pertaining to support autistic adults dotted around the UK, many are quite scattered and slightly random. My neighbouring borough places them all under the umbrella of the National Autistic Society (NAS), but ours doesn't and seems to split the 0-25 age group and the 25 and upwards. Fair enough - each to his or her own.
My borough has one that covers much of south-east London and the main aim seems to be that it's an environment to bring adults with autism together in a convivial environment twice a month. Last night I went to my first peer discussion group with two hats on (not literally - it's far too hot at the moment to wear one, let alone two pieces of headgear ...) and despite feeling a tad nervous beforehand, really enjoyed it. The first metaphorical hat was that I wished to write a small piece for the NAS monthly newsletter and the second hat was representing myself, as a slightly socially excluded Aspergan.
It was pleasant to meet my former Aspies and Auties (or whatever people wish to class themselves as, if indeed they do.) I can also be as geeky as I want without the need to censor myself. Huzzah.
My borough has one that covers much of south-east London and the main aim seems to be that it's an environment to bring adults with autism together in a convivial environment twice a month. Last night I went to my first peer discussion group with two hats on (not literally - it's far too hot at the moment to wear one, let alone two pieces of headgear ...) and despite feeling a tad nervous beforehand, really enjoyed it. The first metaphorical hat was that I wished to write a small piece for the NAS monthly newsletter and the second hat was representing myself, as a slightly socially excluded Aspergan.
It was pleasant to meet my former Aspies and Auties (or whatever people wish to class themselves as, if indeed they do.) I can also be as geeky as I want without the need to censor myself. Huzzah.
Tuesday, 6 June 2017
Post #109 - The Sun And The Rain
It's a bit of an odd time in the UK at the moment - on one hand there's the increasingly frequent Terror attacks, the last of which took place in London Bridge and, of course, the impending General Election on Thursday, 8th June 2017. The weather is also a bit, well, odd - it's a stormy old day out there at the moment and the DAB radio station, Absolute 80s rather aptly played Madness's The Sun And The Rain this morning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_9FeMMlLZw
Talking about Graham 'Suggs' McPherson, I really think that he'd make an excellent Mayor of London and I for one, would strongly support his campaign, should he wish to stand. That said, I guess that he's too busy doing other things - leading his mates along Camden High Street in their classic 'Nutty Train' formation being one of them. My husband attended the same north London comprehensive school as Suggs back in the 1970s, which is a bit of a lame to fame I know.
Talking about Graham 'Suggs' McPherson, I really think that he'd make an excellent Mayor of London and I for one, would strongly support his campaign, should he wish to stand. That said, I guess that he's too busy doing other things - leading his mates along Camden High Street in their classic 'Nutty Train' formation being one of them. My husband attended the same north London comprehensive school as Suggs back in the 1970s, which is a bit of a lame to fame I know.
Sunday, 28 May 2017
Post #108 - A Look Back To Autumn 2008 - Pre My Return To Work Following Maternity Leave
I used to pen regular articles for my local NCT quarterly newsletter back in the days when Ted was a baby. Whilst clearing out the house I have found quite a few and hope to reproduce some of them. This particular feature, written in circa July/August 2008 discusses my forthcoming return to work following a period of paid and unpaid Maternity Leave.
In retrospect, it was a bit of a curate's egg - some good, some bad. I got promoted from Executive Officer to Higher Executive Officer in December 2008 anyway, so that's something I guess?
In retrospect, it was a bit of a curate's egg - some good, some bad. I got promoted from Executive Officer to Higher Executive Officer in December 2008 anyway, so that's something I guess?
Sunday, 21 May 2017
Post #107 - L.I.F.E. G.O.E.S. O.N.
It certainly does. I quite like the fact that I've finally made the executive decision to eschew groups in future, well, apart from a bi-monthly meeting of autistic adults, which I'll attend for the first time this coming Wednesday. Hopefully that will prove interesting.
In other (geek) news, I've just bought myself and Master Logic some of the Uniqlo Nintendo t-shirt collection (as shown below)
They are absolutely brilliant - so vibrant and best of all, geektastic.
In other (geek) news, I've just bought myself and Master Logic some of the Uniqlo Nintendo t-shirt collection (as shown below)
They are absolutely brilliant - so vibrant and best of all, geektastic.
Saturday, 6 May 2017
Post #106 - Some People Ain't Got No Sense Of Humour (sic)
Tonight heralded my final concert performance with my (now) former choir. Why? Well, as regular readers of this blog will know, group activities are almost impossible for me to involve myself with and it came to a bit of a head. Sometimes, to prove a point, I'll push a situation to see what, if anything, breaks.
We have been rehearsing a series of songs for months now. I'm continually struggling with singing alto (I'm a soprano) because the harmony line always sounds flat to me, altos never get the tune and well ... the vocal, ahem, quality of the choir could be so much better.
Anyway, the choir has a WhatsApp group to ping messages at one another. Being a predominantly female group, after the performance there were the usual sycophantic crappy messages on there "Ooh, the choir sounded amazing ladies ..." I thought that, to cut through the cloying platitudes, I'd attempt to inject some humour into proceedings, by suggesting that a prominent member of the choir had been elected Head Chorister ... but it went down like a cup of cold sick with messages such as 'you're cruel and that's not funny' directed at me. I then left the WhatsApp group and indeed, the choir ... That'll save me the princely sum of £7 per week.
I have now recycled my musical scores.
We have been rehearsing a series of songs for months now. I'm continually struggling with singing alto (I'm a soprano) because the harmony line always sounds flat to me, altos never get the tune and well ... the vocal, ahem, quality of the choir could be so much better.
Anyway, the choir has a WhatsApp group to ping messages at one another. Being a predominantly female group, after the performance there were the usual sycophantic crappy messages on there "Ooh, the choir sounded amazing ladies ..." I thought that, to cut through the cloying platitudes, I'd attempt to inject some humour into proceedings, by suggesting that a prominent member of the choir had been elected Head Chorister ... but it went down like a cup of cold sick with messages such as 'you're cruel and that's not funny' directed at me. I then left the WhatsApp group and indeed, the choir ... That'll save me the princely sum of £7 per week.
I have now recycled my musical scores.
Friday, 5 May 2017
Post #105 - The 11 Plus Examination/Selection Tests
My son is in primary year 5 and therefore this is the time in which we decide whether to enter him for the 11 plus examination/borough selection tests. Yes, you did read correctly, my local authority is one of the precious few which decides, at the tender age of ten or eleven, whether your child is a success or indeed a failure. I grew up in this borough and me, along with my two brothers all failed the selection test; my mother, in her infinite wisdom, passed hers in the 1960s and attended "A Very Good School" During the mid 1980s, it was generally thought that I'd pass and I forced my mother to contact the local authority to query the result, but to no avail.
Whoopie shit - only about four children out of a class of thirty actually 'pass' anyway and, I'll wager that their parents have been paying out for personal coaching for months beforehand? The rest, don't and are scattered to the various 'non-selective' educational establishments. My son's school has recently become an Academy and has been forging links with all of the Grammar Schools in the vicinity, as part of the increasing need to raise the standard of attainment in the school.
Once we are aware of the result of Ted's Educational Health and Care Plan we can make a decision from there; if it's a 'no' then we'll appeal the decision. Bob attended Ted's class assembly this morning and the latter couldn't keep still, look anyone in the eye or keep his hands away from his crotch. His disability becomes more apparent as the years progress.
Whoopie shit - only about four children out of a class of thirty actually 'pass' anyway and, I'll wager that their parents have been paying out for personal coaching for months beforehand? The rest, don't and are scattered to the various 'non-selective' educational establishments. My son's school has recently become an Academy and has been forging links with all of the Grammar Schools in the vicinity, as part of the increasing need to raise the standard of attainment in the school.
Once we are aware of the result of Ted's Educational Health and Care Plan we can make a decision from there; if it's a 'no' then we'll appeal the decision. Bob attended Ted's class assembly this morning and the latter couldn't keep still, look anyone in the eye or keep his hands away from his crotch. His disability becomes more apparent as the years progress.
Monday, 1 May 2017
Post #104 - You've Gotta Fight For (Aspie) Rights
People who know me in real life may perceive me to be 'difficult' and yeah, post forty, post Autism diagnosis and post redundancy I blooming well can be. I just want to fight for aspie rights as it's a rotten life otherwise. Why should aspies/auties etc be forced into a life of isolation because of the actions of certain people. I do turn to Twitter quite a bit because it seems to make a difference and there's a whole communitity of autists on there. Together we can make a difference.
My latest cause celebre is my son's experience of his local cub scout pack. He was feeling unhappy, ignored and isolated, so we removed him. My husband had been helping out at the pack for a while, so knew what was going on and the situation was only getting worse.
Grrr!
*Update*
My Tweets caused a few things to happen and, although there's no real prospect of my son returning to the same Cub Pack, it's noted that there's a real issue in gathering enough volunteers to help out. I totally understand that's why Mr C was coming along to the sessions.
My latest cause celebre is my son's experience of his local cub scout pack. He was feeling unhappy, ignored and isolated, so we removed him. My husband had been helping out at the pack for a while, so knew what was going on and the situation was only getting worse.
Grrr!
*Update*
My Tweets caused a few things to happen and, although there's no real prospect of my son returning to the same Cub Pack, it's noted that there's a real issue in gathering enough volunteers to help out. I totally understand that's why Mr C was coming along to the sessions.
Tuesday, 25 April 2017
Post #103 - Joining The Committee
I have just become a member of my local autism committee and I'll be responsible for communications! Yay! I desperately needed a purpose in my post-redundancy existence and this is it. I have, however, sat on (not literally ...) at least two committees before, so let me tell you all about my past experiences.
When Master Logic was in Reception Class at his current primary school, the Chair persuaded me to join the Parents' Association Committee (our school doesn't have a PTA and I've never fully got the bottom of why the teachers aren't involved ...?) I stayed for about three years, but I cannot, hand on heart, say that I enjoyed helping out at any of the events though, as I always found it an awful trial. A number of parents in the school couldn't be bothered to join the committee or help out at all, but felt justified in moaning about costs and believing that the volunteers were there to provide free childcare whilst they sat around on their lazy bottoms and perused their bejewelled smartphones. I'm no burning martyr, so sod that for a game of soldiers. I must admit that one of my pet hates in life is being scolded by a person who didn't provide me with enough guidance to start off with. How about giving me the correct instructions at the beginning of the event and not fanny around, eh? Also, a fellow parent pushed me out of the way when I was trying to look at the collection (parliament?) of owls somebody was exhibiting at the Summer Fete. Sod that. I resigned after the Christmas Concert Incident of 2013 and have never returned. My husband Mr Logic, remains the treasurer though.
When I was pregnant with Master Logic (well, I have only been pregnant once, so of course it was with him ...) me and [my husband] Mr Logic signed up for antenatal classes at our local branch of the National Childbirth Trust (NCT). They were pretty rubbish by the way and if your idea of fun is replicating the experience of changing a small baby's nappy by cleaning English mustard off of a doll's rear end using cotton wool and water, then go ahead - it'll only set you back £400 or whatever the retail price rise is. Anyway, I joined the local committee and soon rose to become joint chair (in reality, I don't think that anyone else was interested in the position). I think that I only served for about six months though because I returned to work part-time in London when Master Logic was eleven months old and no longer had the time and energy to put into the role. I didn't regret throwing in the towel, as it just wasn't me anyway and I'll be brutally honest, the sheer lack of any semblance of humour about anything was just grinding me down. There was a very funny moment at a 'Nearly New Sale' though. We were cleaning out the fridge at the end of the session and there was a tub of Olivio Spread left - the former chair's long-haired middle class son uttered: "that's not ours mummy - we don't have butter substitutes in the house!"
When Master Logic was in Reception Class at his current primary school, the Chair persuaded me to join the Parents' Association Committee (our school doesn't have a PTA and I've never fully got the bottom of why the teachers aren't involved ...?) I stayed for about three years, but I cannot, hand on heart, say that I enjoyed helping out at any of the events though, as I always found it an awful trial. A number of parents in the school couldn't be bothered to join the committee or help out at all, but felt justified in moaning about costs and believing that the volunteers were there to provide free childcare whilst they sat around on their lazy bottoms and perused their bejewelled smartphones. I'm no burning martyr, so sod that for a game of soldiers. I must admit that one of my pet hates in life is being scolded by a person who didn't provide me with enough guidance to start off with. How about giving me the correct instructions at the beginning of the event and not fanny around, eh? Also, a fellow parent pushed me out of the way when I was trying to look at the collection (parliament?) of owls somebody was exhibiting at the Summer Fete. Sod that. I resigned after the Christmas Concert Incident of 2013 and have never returned. My husband Mr Logic, remains the treasurer though.
Sunday, 23 April 2017
Post #102 - Trying To Work Out Peoples' Motives
Being the huge Aspie I am, I often struggle with trying to work out what people actually want from me. I know that that sounds bizarre, but meeting, maintaining and quite frankly, keeping friends is an almost impossible feat for me. I just cannot work out the signals. I also write in an increasingly blunt way, with no heed for others' feelings.
One of my main issues surrounds my increasing inability to support friends with Mental Health (MH) issues. As an Aspie, my empathy (EQ) score is really low and I just cannot do it. I have had some awful experiences in the past with people (usually with MH conditions) getting too close and literally trying to take over my life. As soon as I think that history is beginning to repeat itself then I'll push things to facilitate a permanent split. It's an odd thing to do, I agree, but it's the only thing that I feel safe doing. I don't wish to upset my current home situation, that's for sure. My son Master Logic, now he's nearing puberty, is becoming more difficult and demanding by the day.
I know that, at this time of writing, that I really should be doing more with my life and I totally agree. I have seriously been considering a return to full-time work, but regular readers of this blog will be aware what happened to me back in September 2016 and I have no wish to repeat this. Office jobs and working with people generally makes me very unwell indeed and I lost count of the amount of times I went AWOL from jobs - I was threatened with dismissal on more than one occasion. I just cannot cope.
I'm taking on various freelance projects at the moment, which I enjoy and I'm soon to taking over some of the communications work for my local branch of the National Autistic Society and hope to expand that as much as I possibly can. I am intelligent and as such, need an outlet. It doesn't really help that I was made redundant though; don't get me wrong, it was the right thing to do, but I'm so much better than this, but I cannot be - it's a dichotomy.
One of my main issues surrounds my increasing inability to support friends with Mental Health (MH) issues. As an Aspie, my empathy (EQ) score is really low and I just cannot do it. I have had some awful experiences in the past with people (usually with MH conditions) getting too close and literally trying to take over my life. As soon as I think that history is beginning to repeat itself then I'll push things to facilitate a permanent split. It's an odd thing to do, I agree, but it's the only thing that I feel safe doing. I don't wish to upset my current home situation, that's for sure. My son Master Logic, now he's nearing puberty, is becoming more difficult and demanding by the day.
I know that, at this time of writing, that I really should be doing more with my life and I totally agree. I have seriously been considering a return to full-time work, but regular readers of this blog will be aware what happened to me back in September 2016 and I have no wish to repeat this. Office jobs and working with people generally makes me very unwell indeed and I lost count of the amount of times I went AWOL from jobs - I was threatened with dismissal on more than one occasion. I just cannot cope.
I'm taking on various freelance projects at the moment, which I enjoy and I'm soon to taking over some of the communications work for my local branch of the National Autistic Society and hope to expand that as much as I possibly can. I am intelligent and as such, need an outlet. It doesn't really help that I was made redundant though; don't get me wrong, it was the right thing to do, but I'm so much better than this, but I cannot be - it's a dichotomy.
Wednesday, 19 April 2017
Post #101 - Offending People
Sometimes it's hard to be an Aspie, actually that sounds like a song, but it isn't. Yes, I'm an oddbod at times, but I can assure you that my heart is in the right place. More than often I write on social media or say something to offend someone, but it really isn't meant nastily; I'm just extremely socially awkward.
I have built a lovely carapace around myself, like the crabby Cancerian I am. Nobody's getting inside my shell, it's nice and cosy in here and that's the way it's going to stay.
I have built a lovely carapace around myself, like the crabby Cancerian I am. Nobody's getting inside my shell, it's nice and cosy in here and that's the way it's going to stay.
Tuesday, 18 April 2017
Post #100 - The Forthcoming UK General Election and a Look Back To 2008
This morning it was announced that British Prime Minister, Theresa May, has called a General Election in June. That'll give the civil service something to chew on and they'll undoubtedly be going into purdah.
Right, OK, I was sorting out my understairs cupboard earlier, mainly to find the pair to the H&M velcro and bungee lace high top trainers I bought Ted online ages ago and duly stored. He still cannot do up standard laces, much to our chagrin.
Along with the piles of discarded packaging, my collection of bags, umbrellas and other household detritus, I found my appointment diary from 2008, which was the year after Ted was born. Here are some highlights/lowlights:
Right, OK, I was sorting out my understairs cupboard earlier, mainly to find the pair to the H&M velcro and bungee lace high top trainers I bought Ted online ages ago and duly stored. He still cannot do up standard laces, much to our chagrin.
Along with the piles of discarded packaging, my collection of bags, umbrellas and other household detritus, I found my appointment diary from 2008, which was the year after Ted was born. Here are some highlights/lowlights:
The Girls' Night Out in Bexley Village was bloody awful as I seem to recall. Me and six other mothers from our particular National Childbirth Trust (NCT) antenatal class booked a table in a certain Indian Restaurant in the Village (which was once classed as a village back in the year 1608 or something, but now it's the ponciest part of the borough and commands a 30K more on a house price as a result). It was an awful night - the waiters shouted at us, the woman sitting in front of me, who'll I'll refer to as Annie, completely ignored me and the majority of the women didn't eat very much and merely pushed their respective curries around their plates.
Jane and Gary - former friends; Jane was once my best friend at secondary school and we now ignore one another. There's a really good reason for this, but I won't go into it all now.
The NCT meet up at my house didn't go ahead because everyone dropped out, citing some shit excuse or another. That made me feel really good about myself. After suffering, once again, from overbearing friend syndrome, I finally blocked the whole group out of my life in 2010 and have never once regretted doing so.
Monday, 17 April 2017
Post #99 - Master Logic At Cub Scouts
My son, who's nine-years-old, is really struggling at Cubs; when he previously attended Beaver Scouts his disability wasn't quite as pronounced and he blended in much more. He was passed over for promotion to seconder of his six (or whatever the Cub equivalent is) by a boy who's much newer to the Cub Scout Movement than he is. Master Logic cannot even salute properly - he looks like Benny Hill when he attempts to undertake such a feat:
The older he gets, the more I notice how far he's slipping away from his peers; how I wish that he were not, but it's a fact. I often wonder whether he has Classic Autism and all that entails, or Asperger Syndrome, although the latter is no longer a formal diagnosis, as it was removed from the DSM V. I still state that I have it though. The school reports state that he doesn't appear to having a learning disability, but I'm not sure - he's behind on so much and his fine and gross motor skills aren't age appropriate. He still wets the bed at night and cannot do up his shoelaces, I bought him a pair of (adult size four!) Nikes a month ago and you should hear him complain (actually: I wouldn't recommend it).
Anyway, to conclude - we're planning to take him out of Cubs after the end of the summer term as he'll turn ten in late August and as far as I know the age limit for the organisation is ten-and-a-half anyway. As for Scouts - no bloody way! I know that the Scout Organisation is supposed to welcome people with disabilities, but I don't think that, in reality, they have the capacity to deal with it. My neurotypical husband tends to help out regularly so that Master Logic doesn't feel too left out.
The older he gets, the more I notice how far he's slipping away from his peers; how I wish that he were not, but it's a fact. I often wonder whether he has Classic Autism and all that entails, or Asperger Syndrome, although the latter is no longer a formal diagnosis, as it was removed from the DSM V. I still state that I have it though. The school reports state that he doesn't appear to having a learning disability, but I'm not sure - he's behind on so much and his fine and gross motor skills aren't age appropriate. He still wets the bed at night and cannot do up his shoelaces, I bought him a pair of (adult size four!) Nikes a month ago and you should hear him complain (actually: I wouldn't recommend it).
Anyway, to conclude - we're planning to take him out of Cubs after the end of the summer term as he'll turn ten in late August and as far as I know the age limit for the organisation is ten-and-a-half anyway. As for Scouts - no bloody way! I know that the Scout Organisation is supposed to welcome people with disabilities, but I don't think that, in reality, they have the capacity to deal with it. My neurotypical husband tends to help out regularly so that Master Logic doesn't feel too left out.
Saturday, 15 April 2017
Post #98 - My Mother
*Update*
My mother recently suffered from a heart scare and was rushed, by ambulance, to a London hospital. She was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation, a condition which my husband also suffers from and given a raft of tablets to manage her health. Obviously it was a shock for everyone, but she's feeling very self-pitying about it all and won't change her GP, however hard the family are trying to persuade her to.
The positive side of this recent occurance is that I'm now on better terms with various family members.
---------------------------------------
I cannot recall whether I've previously written about my Mother's new obsession? Well, if I haven't, it's her recently acquired retired racing greyhound, a bitch that she re-named (in a non-gender specific way, Willow). Now that me and my brother are fully grown up (physically, if not mentally) and the grandchildren aren't quite as young, loveable and willing to be lectured by her, she clearly craved a new focus in her life.
Don't get me wrong, Willow The Dog is a beautiful creature - lean, glossy and with a lovely pair of silky ears. Shadow is, however, rather lively and at two years and nine months of age, took early retirement, due to being a bit of a slowcoach compared to her fellow Romford-based sighthounds on the race track. Willow does go absolutely crazy when people come and visit the house though, which means bolting up and down the room and rolling over on her back. As she's classed as a big dog, it's all a bit overwhelming, especially as I'm used to owning cats, who, as a species, tend to ignore people anyway. Actually, cats are an ideal pet for an Aspie, as they share many of the strange traits, are incredibly aloof and routine based. I did reinforce the need for Mother to obtain some forms of obedience training for Willow, but that didn't go down well as it was seen as a personal criticism.
I had a terrible tension headache building up throughout the visit. I mentioned over lunch, that we should plan a trip to see my Aunt P up in Hertfordshire, as she is in her eighties now and cannot live forever (unless she's a kind of home counties Methusalah). Mother remarked that her Cousin G hadn't spoken to her much since we declined his kind invitation to a Masonic Weekend in Oxford back in 2012ish, a time when he was the Grand Lodge Master (or whatever!) My stepfather, who has undiagnosed Asperger's in my opinion, can't cope with staying away overnight, and I can only do so with a certain amount of planning. The weekend was a social get-together of a Jewish Lodge, and I'm not a follower of that, or any other Faith. There were also two, yes two, formal dinners, which necessitated the wearing of evening dress; I'm pretty sure that Birkenstocks aren't permitted to be worn with a ballgown.
On a lighter note, here are some pictures of my parents' garden:
My mother recently suffered from a heart scare and was rushed, by ambulance, to a London hospital. She was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation, a condition which my husband also suffers from and given a raft of tablets to manage her health. Obviously it was a shock for everyone, but she's feeling very self-pitying about it all and won't change her GP, however hard the family are trying to persuade her to.
The positive side of this recent occurance is that I'm now on better terms with various family members.
---------------------------------------
I cannot recall whether I've previously written about my Mother's new obsession? Well, if I haven't, it's her recently acquired retired racing greyhound, a bitch that she re-named (in a non-gender specific way, Willow). Now that me and my brother are fully grown up (physically, if not mentally) and the grandchildren aren't quite as young, loveable and willing to be lectured by her, she clearly craved a new focus in her life.
Don't get me wrong, Willow The Dog is a beautiful creature - lean, glossy and with a lovely pair of silky ears. Shadow is, however, rather lively and at two years and nine months of age, took early retirement, due to being a bit of a slowcoach compared to her fellow Romford-based sighthounds on the race track. Willow does go absolutely crazy when people come and visit the house though, which means bolting up and down the room and rolling over on her back. As she's classed as a big dog, it's all a bit overwhelming, especially as I'm used to owning cats, who, as a species, tend to ignore people anyway. Actually, cats are an ideal pet for an Aspie, as they share many of the strange traits, are incredibly aloof and routine based. I did reinforce the need for Mother to obtain some forms of obedience training for Willow, but that didn't go down well as it was seen as a personal criticism.
I had a terrible tension headache building up throughout the visit. I mentioned over lunch, that we should plan a trip to see my Aunt P up in Hertfordshire, as she is in her eighties now and cannot live forever (unless she's a kind of home counties Methusalah). Mother remarked that her Cousin G hadn't spoken to her much since we declined his kind invitation to a Masonic Weekend in Oxford back in 2012ish, a time when he was the Grand Lodge Master (or whatever!) My stepfather, who has undiagnosed Asperger's in my opinion, can't cope with staying away overnight, and I can only do so with a certain amount of planning. The weekend was a social get-together of a Jewish Lodge, and I'm not a follower of that, or any other Faith. There were also two, yes two, formal dinners, which necessitated the wearing of evening dress; I'm pretty sure that Birkenstocks aren't permitted to be worn with a ballgown.
On a lighter note, here are some pictures of my parents' garden:
Thursday, 13 April 2017
Post #97: Travelling Anxiety
A friend of mine shared a really helpful article on Facebook earlier, it was a link from the BBC News Website: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/disability-39489898. In a nutshell, the jist of the text is that travelling can prove difficult if you have a mental health condition, such as anxiety, ADHD, OCD and depression. I should know, I am currently in the process of renewing a passport which expired back in 2009, mainly because I haven't left the UK since 2006.
Why is that you may ask? Well, allow me to explain: I don't mind flying, I don't believe that the great metal bird I'm strapped into is going to plummet from the sky, but what I cannot abide is the person in front reclining their seat into my personal space. It first happened back in 2005 when myself and my husband boarded an Al Italia flight from London Heathrow to Rome. It was a midday service, but as soon as we were up in the air, the Italian bloke in front of me decided to fully recline, until I politely asked him to wind the seat back up. Being Italy's flag carrying airline, he quickly beckoned to the Italian stewardess and a heated exchange, all in rapid Italian ensued. The stewardess, an overpainted skinny harridan, implored me to 'show a little consideration' for his plight. Consideration? On a midday flight? I know that most southern Europeans seem to believe that women should be seen and not heard, but this is a post feminist era and even Italian men should realise that everybody deserves respect? He ended up moving his seat back up to the semi upright position, probably after getting rather tired of my foot's location in the small of his back. Seriously though, if you're blonde and busty, Italy's a great place to go if you enjoy men staring at you incessantly.
I also got into a row on a flight back from Spain the following year, in the year of Our Lord, 2006, when some old English git made the decision to stick his head in my lap. I honestly thought that they'd call the armed guards to remove me from the 'plane, like they did with that bloke from REM did back in the 1990s. That didn't work well for him, an no it wasn't Michael Stipe, but the unlucky Georgia bluesman later was charged with air rage at Hounslow Magistrates' Court, or whatever. I could Google the incident, but I cannot be arsed; you get my point.
Having Asperger Syndrome is very difficult at times.
*Update*
This very subject has been hotly debated on Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable? AIBU message boards, here: https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2911606-Airlines-seats-passive-aggression
I have read through 2 of 7 pages of opinions, which seem to be divided between those who think that reclining their seat is a divine right and others, such as me, believe that some consideration is required. I didn't contribute to the debate as I've had issues on Mumsnet before with other posters being rather hostile and I'd personally rather steer clear.
Why is that you may ask? Well, allow me to explain: I don't mind flying, I don't believe that the great metal bird I'm strapped into is going to plummet from the sky, but what I cannot abide is the person in front reclining their seat into my personal space. It first happened back in 2005 when myself and my husband boarded an Al Italia flight from London Heathrow to Rome. It was a midday service, but as soon as we were up in the air, the Italian bloke in front of me decided to fully recline, until I politely asked him to wind the seat back up. Being Italy's flag carrying airline, he quickly beckoned to the Italian stewardess and a heated exchange, all in rapid Italian ensued. The stewardess, an overpainted skinny harridan, implored me to 'show a little consideration' for his plight. Consideration? On a midday flight? I know that most southern Europeans seem to believe that women should be seen and not heard, but this is a post feminist era and even Italian men should realise that everybody deserves respect? He ended up moving his seat back up to the semi upright position, probably after getting rather tired of my foot's location in the small of his back. Seriously though, if you're blonde and busty, Italy's a great place to go if you enjoy men staring at you incessantly.
I also got into a row on a flight back from Spain the following year, in the year of Our Lord, 2006, when some old English git made the decision to stick his head in my lap. I honestly thought that they'd call the armed guards to remove me from the 'plane, like they did with that bloke from REM did back in the 1990s. That didn't work well for him, an no it wasn't Michael Stipe, but the unlucky Georgia bluesman later was charged with air rage at Hounslow Magistrates' Court, or whatever. I could Google the incident, but I cannot be arsed; you get my point.
Having Asperger Syndrome is very difficult at times.
*Update*
This very subject has been hotly debated on Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable? AIBU message boards, here: https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2911606-Airlines-seats-passive-aggression
I have read through 2 of 7 pages of opinions, which seem to be divided between those who think that reclining their seat is a divine right and others, such as me, believe that some consideration is required. I didn't contribute to the debate as I've had issues on Mumsnet before with other posters being rather hostile and I'd personally rather steer clear.
Wednesday, 12 April 2017
Post #96: Aspie Obsessions - Jeans
Don't ask me the reason why I'm obsessed with jeans, but rest assured, I must am. Maybe because it's because my Mother, a single parent between late 1980 and mid 1984, wasn't over-flushed with money as we were living on my late Father's Police Pension. Mother's a frugal woman, but with three young children to bring up, it didn't stretch that far. Actually, the majority of our clothing was purchased from either church jumble sales or from market stalls. My older brother, Peter, had a pair of jeans with a rubberised Fred Flintstone design adhered to both thighs; as you can imagine, they were pretty darn stylish? I later inherited them and took them to the catwalks of Milan.
When I was at senior/secondary school between the ages of 11 and 16 I always dreaded non uniform day and once wore a Betty Boop nightshirt, as suggested by my so-called best friend, Jane. How nice! Everyone noticed. Bitches.
Yesterday morning, whilst carrying out a seasonal wardrobe inventory, I counted 50, yes 5-0 pair of denim, corduroy and other thinner jeans-style five pocket trousers. Yikes! Of course, me being me and having a weight that likes to fluctuate by about three to four stone, only about 12 pairs of them actually fit me at this present moment.
Back in June 2014, when I had my first period off sick from work with stress and anxiety, I decided to measure and categorise them all. I think that I quite enjoyed the process really; it's the aspie level of detail I often crave. Hurrah.
When I was at senior/secondary school between the ages of 11 and 16 I always dreaded non uniform day and once wore a Betty Boop nightshirt, as suggested by my so-called best friend, Jane. How nice! Everyone noticed. Bitches.
Yesterday morning, whilst carrying out a seasonal wardrobe inventory, I counted 50, yes 5-0 pair of denim, corduroy and other thinner jeans-style five pocket trousers. Yikes! Of course, me being me and having a weight that likes to fluctuate by about three to four stone, only about 12 pairs of them actually fit me at this present moment.
Back in June 2014, when I had my first period off sick from work with stress and anxiety, I decided to measure and categorise them all. I think that I quite enjoyed the process really; it's the aspie level of detail I often crave. Hurrah.
Friday, 7 April 2017
Post #95 - Sociability Is Hard Enough For Me
I have always loved the band Blur, with special reference to their late nineties song, Coffee and TV: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6oqXVx3sBOk Geeky Graham Coxon sings the lead vocal and the video's blooming fantastic too. This is what the mighty Wikipedia has to say about the song:
"Coffee & TV" is a 1999 song by the Britpop band Blur. It was written by the band's guitarist, Graham Coxon, who also sang lead vocals, as opposed to frontman Damon Albarn. The song appears on Blur's sixth studio album, 13 and was the second single released from the album. The lyrics describe Coxon's struggle with alcoholism and the song's video, featuring a sentient milk carton searching for Coxon, won several awards.
Anyway, the lyric ' Sociability Is Hard Enough For Me' is very true in my case. My profoundly mentally and physically disabled brother-in-law, John, is visiting us today and although he's a really nice relaxed guy, I find that I don't quite have the empathy to deal with other, more seriously disabled people. That's why I gave up being a moderator on the Scope Disability Boards; I know that that sounds horrible and rather harsh, but I just cannot get it. The daily dose of 40mg of Fluxotine is turning me into a zombie too, which doesn't help matters.
On a lighter note, here's a picture of the sentient milk cartons from the Coffee and TV music video:
"Coffee & TV" is a 1999 song by the Britpop band Blur. It was written by the band's guitarist, Graham Coxon, who also sang lead vocals, as opposed to frontman Damon Albarn. The song appears on Blur's sixth studio album, 13 and was the second single released from the album. The lyrics describe Coxon's struggle with alcoholism and the song's video, featuring a sentient milk carton searching for Coxon, won several awards.
Anyway, the lyric ' Sociability Is Hard Enough For Me' is very true in my case. My profoundly mentally and physically disabled brother-in-law, John, is visiting us today and although he's a really nice relaxed guy, I find that I don't quite have the empathy to deal with other, more seriously disabled people. That's why I gave up being a moderator on the Scope Disability Boards; I know that that sounds horrible and rather harsh, but I just cannot get it. The daily dose of 40mg of Fluxotine is turning me into a zombie too, which doesn't help matters.
On a lighter note, here's a picture of the sentient milk cartons from the Coffee and TV music video:
Monday, 3 April 2017
Post #94 - The Reason Why I'm Currently Not Working
I know that I can be over-sensitive at times, but feel the need to take to my blog to defend my current employment situation. I took voluntary redundancy from the Civil Service in late April 2016 after suffering from the repercussions stemming from a serious 'depressive episode' in June 2014. In the fourteen or so months prior to that, I attempted and was repeatedly unable, to obtain a part-time flexible post. I declared my disability on the numerous application forms, which quite frankly can be a double-edged sword: you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Clearly, if you don't live with autism or with an autistic person than you cannot even begin to understand. Having Asperger Syndrome can equip you with a brain the size of a planet, but imagine having to think through every single thing you do - it's exhausting? The world's a difficult place and bring ultra sensitive to noise, light and the environment in general can be pure hell.
If you have a special needs child then working isn't a great option either as the sheer volume of appointments parents and carers need to attend makes taking huge swathes of time off problematic. I often get into conversation with a number of other parents at local support groups and they seem to be in the same position.
I would also like to clarify that I am not in personal receipt of any state benefit.
Clearly, if you don't live with autism or with an autistic person than you cannot even begin to understand. Having Asperger Syndrome can equip you with a brain the size of a planet, but imagine having to think through every single thing you do - it's exhausting? The world's a difficult place and bring ultra sensitive to noise, light and the environment in general can be pure hell.
If you have a special needs child then working isn't a great option either as the sheer volume of appointments parents and carers need to attend makes taking huge swathes of time off problematic. I often get into conversation with a number of other parents at local support groups and they seem to be in the same position.
I would also like to clarify that I am not in personal receipt of any state benefit.
Saturday, 1 April 2017
Post #93 - London Has Fallen (Into A Demonstration Nightmare)
Now, living in the 'burbs as I do, London is very much a destination location for me during weekends. Unfortunately, there appears to be a different demonstration taking place in Trafalgar Square every single Saturday. This freaks me and my autistic son out big time. How about a demonstration banning the huge amount of problems that demonstrations cause? Pah.
I don't know whether it's due to my menstrual cycle or just me being arsey, but I'm really fed up at the moment. I guess that I use Social media far too much, but I'm finding that my messages are being ignored. I attended a 'Charlie Chaplin Guided Walk' this afternoon:
I don't know whether it's due to my menstrual cycle or just me being arsey, but I'm really fed up at the moment. I guess that I use Social media far too much, but I'm finding that my messages are being ignored. I attended a 'Charlie Chaplin Guided Walk' this afternoon:
It was excellent and hosted by Chaplin fan, Robert from Meetup, King of The London Cultureseekers. Anyway, knowing that my husband and son would be heading home, I decided to text a friend to determine whether he wanted to go to the pub that he's pretty much resident in?
I am clearly expecting too much and I'm now en route home. I get fed up with people putting their dirty feet on the train seats though.
Monday, 27 March 2017
Post #92 - Adult Education Courses
I think that I've currently reached the stage of being completely and utterly sick of attending adult education courses? Why? Well, I just am. Since taking voluntary redundancy nearly a year ago, I have slowly tried to find interesting things to do with my time. Some have been more successful than others.
I am rubbish at playing keyboards and never practice enough. I am, however, getting better at music theory. This morning's clothes upcycling workshop was very - meh. I suppose it's because it's a group thing and as regular readers will know, groups and me just don't work. The woman from the local authority's waste team was really lovely, but the sewing teacher wasn't my cup of tea at all - she hailed from the neighbouring (more expensive!) borough and had an attitude to match. I broke the sewing machine's needle because I really didn't know what I was doing.
My husband currently attends a weekly art class at the same college and says similar things about his tutor. She knits her own fruit and has written books about the very subject. Really. Do you think that she ever suffers from scurvy?
Upcycling - pah - look at this repurposed grater:
I am rubbish at playing keyboards and never practice enough. I am, however, getting better at music theory. This morning's clothes upcycling workshop was very - meh. I suppose it's because it's a group thing and as regular readers will know, groups and me just don't work. The woman from the local authority's waste team was really lovely, but the sewing teacher wasn't my cup of tea at all - she hailed from the neighbouring (more expensive!) borough and had an attitude to match. I broke the sewing machine's needle because I really didn't know what I was doing.
My husband currently attends a weekly art class at the same college and says similar things about his tutor. She knits her own fruit and has written books about the very subject. Really. Do you think that she ever suffers from scurvy?
Upcycling - pah - look at this repurposed grater:
Saturday, 25 March 2017
Post #91 - Charidee (In A Smashey and Nicey Voice)
I fully admit that I'm a bit of a social pariah, well, I never manage to say the right thing. Recently I put my foot in it by mentioning strongly-held religious beliefs concerning disability to a woman who turned out to be a Jehovah's Witness and there have also been incidents in the recent past. If in doubt, say nowt is clearly a good rule of thumb.
I often find myself not knowing what to do, act or say. My sense of humour can be bizarre at times. I often feel very awkward about responding to requests - examples of this are feeling very pressurised into sponsoring someone to undertake a charity wing walk to raise money to fund a group to help people with a specific medical condition. The woman in question actually brought a clip board with a sponsor form on it and physically handed the assembled choir members. I felt terrible. Surely a wing walk is a thing people actually want to do for themselves? Why should I fund somebody else's leisure activities? It's my money and I can gift it to whomever I like. There's a quiz night organised in May and I have no trouble in contributing to join one of the teams.
As a family we do give to charity directly via our joint bank account - one is the National Autistic Society, which does great work in the field. Obviously I'm a little biased here, but that's a charity which is very close to my heart.
I often find myself not knowing what to do, act or say. My sense of humour can be bizarre at times. I often feel very awkward about responding to requests - examples of this are feeling very pressurised into sponsoring someone to undertake a charity wing walk to raise money to fund a group to help people with a specific medical condition. The woman in question actually brought a clip board with a sponsor form on it and physically handed the assembled choir members. I felt terrible. Surely a wing walk is a thing people actually want to do for themselves? Why should I fund somebody else's leisure activities? It's my money and I can gift it to whomever I like. There's a quiz night organised in May and I have no trouble in contributing to join one of the teams.
As a family we do give to charity directly via our joint bank account - one is the National Autistic Society, which does great work in the field. Obviously I'm a little biased here, but that's a charity which is very close to my heart.
Thursday, 23 March 2017
Post #90 - Anxiety (Low Level Panic)
Being socially awkward as a result of both my upbringing and having Asperger's is a blessing and a curse. So far, this week I have attended a focus group, a seminar, an evening class and a trip to the see 'Beauty and the Beast' in 3D at my local cinema. Due to the unreliability of local bus services and Transport For London's frankly rubbish online tracking system, I also had to cancel a night out with a friend at the cinema (which is located at the end of an extremely trafficky route.)
Mind you, all this is nothing compared to the events which occurred in Westminster yesterday, so context is key.
Taking an increased daily dose 40mg instead of 20mg of Fluoxitine makes me feel as though there's an opaque wall surrounding me. I'm not sure whether it's really helping to combat the anxiety though?
Mind you, all this is nothing compared to the events which occurred in Westminster yesterday, so context is key.
Taking an increased daily dose 40mg instead of 20mg of Fluoxitine makes me feel as though there's an opaque wall surrounding me. I'm not sure whether it's really helping to combat the anxiety though?
Saturday, 18 March 2017
Post #89: "It's Abridged I Tell You!" - Audiobook Issues
So ... I fully admit that I am a middle-aged fusspot, but hey, somebody's got to be. The latest example of this is my use of Audible, Amazon's audiobook site, which I have a rolling annual subscription to, loving as I do, the ability to listen to my favourite books, narrated by talented members of the acting profession anyplace, any time, anywhere.
One of my favourite authors is the late, great Ruth Rendell, who wrote a series of psychological novels under the pseudonym, Barbara Vine and with the exception of one title The House of Stairs, are all available to purchase on the Audible Android app. Me being me, of course I've read each one at least twice in print form and thereby lies the rub, Gallowglass was missing the final one or two chapters, thus completely changing the conclusion of the novel. I don't currently have my paperback edition to hand as I think that it's languishing in the loft, along with a whole load of the rest of my books, but in the 'unabridged' audiobook, they're definitely missing.
I am currently on the telephone to Audible about this and they've promised to 'escalate it to their back office!' A total first world problem I know, but I'm an Aspie.
One of my favourite authors is the late, great Ruth Rendell, who wrote a series of psychological novels under the pseudonym, Barbara Vine and with the exception of one title The House of Stairs, are all available to purchase on the Audible Android app. Me being me, of course I've read each one at least twice in print form and thereby lies the rub, Gallowglass was missing the final one or two chapters, thus completely changing the conclusion of the novel. I don't currently have my paperback edition to hand as I think that it's languishing in the loft, along with a whole load of the rest of my books, but in the 'unabridged' audiobook, they're definitely missing.
I am currently on the telephone to Audible about this and they've promised to 'escalate it to their back office!' A total first world problem I know, but I'm an Aspie.
Sunday, 26 February 2017
Post #88 - Obeying The Rules
Along with a whole host of other Aspies, I don't really like people flouting rules (and perhaps it's also because I hail from a police family?) We went for our usual Sunday afternoon trip to our local abbey today, which is mostly ruined, but quite a lot of the walls are still intact. There is a clear 'no ball games' rule, but lo and behold, there was a group of youths playing football inside of it and absolutely whacking the ball around, much to the disdain of the parents of toddlers etc who often like to bimble around there. We were just about to leave and head off into the woods when the ball came near me - I turned around and admonished one of the youths. Why did I do that? Well, it made me feel better and I really don't see why people should get away with such selfish behaviour.
Don't get me wrong, I never place myself or my son in danger, but it's not great. Once I told off a parent for parking on the zig zags outside the school; of course, I received a torrent of verbal abuse, but quite honestly, I couldn't care less.
Don't get me wrong, I never place myself or my son in danger, but it's not great. Once I told off a parent for parking on the zig zags outside the school; of course, I received a torrent of verbal abuse, but quite honestly, I couldn't care less.
Friday, 17 February 2017
Post #87 - Autism Research Project - AQ, EQ and SQ scores
I received an email from my local NAS branch inviting those with autism (or a child/relative with the condition) to volunteer their services to assist with a research project, so I did exactly that. Part of the registration process was re-doing the AQ, EQ and SQ tests which I completed back in 2015. I don't mind sharing my results, which are as follows:
AQ (Autism Quotent) - Score: 43/50 (men usually score about 17 and women score about 15) 32-50 is a very high score.
This questionnaire measures the number of autistic traits an individual has. The higher your score, the more traits you have. The maximum score is 50.
EQ (Empathy Quotent) - Score: 18/80 (men usually score about 42 and women score about 47. 0-32 is a low score.
This questionnaire measures empathising. Empathising refers to the ability to identify and respond appropriately to another person's thoughts and feelings. The higher your score, the more empathetic you are. The maximum score is 80.
SQ (Systemising Quotent) - Score: 88/160 (men usually score about 64 and women about 54) 79-99 is a high score.
This questionnaire measures systemising. Systemising is the drive to understand the rules governing the behaviour of a system and the drive to construct lawful systems. The higher your score, the better at systemising you are. The maximum score is 160.
Rightio - I'm still autistic then!?
Sunday, 12 February 2017
Post #86 - Courses and Volunteering
I'm not sure whether I've mentioned it before, and apologies if I have, but I'm currently attending weekly course entitled 'Living With Autism' every Tuesday morning. It's run by my borough's Autism Unit and I must say that it's excellent. I'm the only autistic adult with a diagnosis on the course and hopefully my input is helping others understand this most complex of conditions.
I'm also volunteering with a national disability charity as a online forum moderator, but that's not really going as well. I guess that there's a serious lack of training and guidance, plus due to the nature of the work, I cannot carry the work out on my smartphone. I'm not sure I'm the best person to do this kind of work because the repetitive nature of the tasks doesn't really fit my 'unique' skill set; plus I'm not the most empathetic of people.
I'm also volunteering with a national disability charity as a online forum moderator, but that's not really going as well. I guess that there's a serious lack of training and guidance, plus due to the nature of the work, I cannot carry the work out on my smartphone. I'm not sure I'm the best person to do this kind of work because the repetitive nature of the tasks doesn't really fit my 'unique' skill set; plus I'm not the most empathetic of people.
Tuesday, 24 January 2017
Post #85: Getting Into A Routine
Well, my anxiety hasn't been too bad recently. The keyboard course is working well, although I do find it rather difficult to understand at times because music study doesn't come naturally to somebody like me. The WeightWatchers session wasn't as bad as expected, but I moved it to a Thursday morning session instead of a Wednesday early evening slot, which suited me much better. The diet is really difficult to adhere to though as it's so darn low in calories. Oh dear!
I saw a friend whom I used to work with the other day for a drink. He now lives on the south coast, but I'd forgotten just how arrogant he was. When I asked him whether I was deemed intelligent enough for him he shrugged and said "You're a lovely vibrant woman and great fun ..."
Damned by faint praise or what?
I saw a friend whom I used to work with the other day for a drink. He now lives on the south coast, but I'd forgotten just how arrogant he was. When I asked him whether I was deemed intelligent enough for him he shrugged and said "You're a lovely vibrant woman and great fun ..."
Damned by faint praise or what?
Monday, 16 January 2017
Post #84 - Anxiety in Aspies
Quite a few new things begin this week - firstly it's a 'Beginners' Keyboard' class tonight, which is taking place at my local Adult Education Centre. Now, as much as I like music, I'm no flipping good at it and reading music is an anathema to me. I'll give it a go though.
On Wednesday I have to attend WeightWatchers. Being the comedy fan I am, I keep on imagining a class led by a Margery Dawes lookalike, but I doubt that it'll be half that amusing. If I can lose some of my lard though, I'd be a happy porker.
Thursday's joy is the belated return of choir, after last week's cancellation due to the snowy weather. As I've already written, I love singing, but the whole communal and social aspect of attending group activities is very difficult for me.
Finally(!) I was literally shaking earlier when dealing with a difficult situation on eBay. I won't got into any further details, but it wasn't very nice and I've since deleted both the app and the related email account from my smartphone so that I don't have to receive the messages.
On Wednesday I have to attend WeightWatchers. Being the comedy fan I am, I keep on imagining a class led by a Margery Dawes lookalike, but I doubt that it'll be half that amusing. If I can lose some of my lard though, I'd be a happy porker.
Thursday's joy is the belated return of choir, after last week's cancellation due to the snowy weather. As I've already written, I love singing, but the whole communal and social aspect of attending group activities is very difficult for me.
Finally(!) I was literally shaking earlier when dealing with a difficult situation on eBay. I won't got into any further details, but it wasn't very nice and I've since deleted both the app and the related email account from my smartphone so that I don't have to receive the messages.
Friday, 13 January 2017
Post #84: January
I don't really do a great deal these days, mind you, who does in January? I am getting more and more insular though - actually mixing with people is getting increasingly difficult. I did get out and about a little on Wednesday and attended the local NAS Coffee Morning. The place smelt strongly of floor cleaner/disinfectant and I can always hear other people's loud conversations, however hard I try not to. In the afternoon I moseyed over to another local disability charity's AGM and it was good to hear about all of the good work that they're carrying out in the community.
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