Post #83: Christmas Eve Eve

This will be one of the quietest Christmases ever *yay!*.  I for one am pleased, as is my husband, son, cats and probably even Cyril The Grey Squirrel.  Last year my mother was a right whingey old pain in the arse and decided to blame herself for my twatty brother's inability to read emails concerning his nephew's Christmas gift.  She even turned on the waterworks in front of my husband when I went upstairs to get away from it all, which didn't endear him to her, that's for sure.

So ... a nice quiet time, no turkey, no stuffing and no frigging pigs in bleedin' blankets.  I don't want or like any of that food anyway.  Well, that's not strictly true as I do enjoy eating turkey, but not cooking a giant bird in my substandard oven for hours on end and then seeing my mother try and eat every single scrap of meat on it.  Nice.

Post #82: Neighbours' Seasonal Do

Our next-door-neighbours, who are a lovely elderly couple, host a drinks party every year. Being the (un)social animal I am and having a son with autism and ADHD does cause quite a few issues. The sitting room of their house soon fills up with a cliquey group and try as I might, I never know quite what to say to anybody.

There are always the boastful ones; honestly, purchasing property in Hastings isn't my topic of choice and I don't really want to discuss my current employment situation. I want to gossip, to make up ridiculous, yet fictitious stories about the talking toad who lives at the bottom of our garden.

Post #81: Post Death

My mother-in-law died during the early hours of Monday morning. Although it was sad, the culmination of several years of difficult care arrangements and quite frankly, it was hell on wheels.

The funeral is scheduled for next Thursday.

Post #80: Mother-in-law and Palliative Care

My ninety-one-year old Mother-in-law is now receiving palliative care. She's bed-bound following a bad break of her fibia back in 2012, lives in a care home and has suffered from vascular dementia for the past few years. So, considering she'd been an active shopper well into her eighties, it's been a sad decline ever since.

My mentally and physically disabled fifty something brother-in-law had been living in council accommodation with her until 2015, but the situation, even with live-in care had been untenable for years as her moods and truculent personality had made his life a misery. He's in another form of residential care himself and seems much happier.

Post #79: Dealing With Interpersonal Relationships and Conflict [In A Sensible Manner]

Can I actually do that?  Well, if the events of the past few days are anything to go by, the answer's a resounding no.  Let's rewind (cue: the noise of a cassette screeching ...) - right.  I have a real issue about being let down, which is why I tend to not cancel one-on-one social occasions even if I really don't want to go. I suppose it all dates back to being the odd one out at school and people ridiculing/bullying me.  The trouble is with being an Aspie is that feelings often completely inexplicably overwhelm me and try as I might to address them in a sensible manner, I often flounder.

Yesterday afternoon I met up with my husband and son to enjoy a convivial drink in The Club (not the particular one rap superstar 50 Cent referred to in his song, to the best of my knowledge) but when I drew near I was greeted by the sound of a lone bagpiper and a military drum.  Inside was literally teeming with noisy, sweary, shouty military people replete with nationalistic placards.  I could hardly hear myself think and our autistic son was terrified by the din.  Five minutes after I arrived the 'leader' of the group addressed the assembled troops and stated: "The management here aren't letting our drummer in, so we're off to Wetherspoons - it's either all of us or none of us, drink up lads!" it was uttered in such a menacing tone that my husband was immediately concerned.  The noise level got no better and the category A swearwords emanating from a neighbouring table made me so annoyed that I, leaving the venue, vociferously told them to stop using such abusive language.  I'm not sure that they were suitably chastened, but I'm glad that I did it.

We're complaining ...

*Update*

Our comments were duly noted by The Club's manager and he is taking the appropriate steps to address the issue as we weren't the only ones to raise the issue.

Post #78: Expectations Of Socialising

I wrote this Tweet this morning:

It pertains to the way I feel about socialising; ergo - I just cannot do it any more. Saying that, it'll save me money in the long term. My preferred company seems to be geeky blokes these days.

Post #77: Post Diagnosis - How It Affects Any Hope Of Any Kind Of Future Career Prospects

*Stop Press: He Replied ...*

I'm annoyed, I really am. Why? Well, two weeks ago I attended an introductory session with a company called Resources Plus who are a company contracted to work on behalf of the London Borough I reside in.  Their main objective seems to centre around getting people back to work, or to find better quality employment in their particular field of expertise, providing training and support, where necessary.  The contact, whom I won't name here, won't acknowledge nor respond to the two emails I sent him. The first one provided an electronic copy of my CV and explained, in some detail, my personal situation; the second was a request to defer the 1to1 appointment we'd arranged during the introductory session.  I sent him another email today stating that if I do not hear back from him within three working days that I'll be taking the matter up with the Local Authority under the auspices of the Equality Act 2010.

I attended a parents' support group this morning and the discussion touched upon whether adults should seek a diagnosis and if so, would it affect their future career prospects.  I did and look what happened to me.  Bitter?  Yep.

Post #76: Friends (Not The TV Show)

Yesterday afternoon and evening one of my (few) friends came over, let's call her Sarah for the purposes of this blog.  She tends to visit every six-eight weeks or so - the process is always the same: she brings over back copies of Red magazine in exchange for my old Esquires (we both get them free as part of our bank account benefits.) Sarah brings dessert and a bottle of wine, always purchased from Asda. We drink tea, make polite conversation then switch the TV on.  Sarah, who's long-term single moved out from the sanctity of her parental home in her late thirties and now, three years on, she's still not upgraded her bed to a 4ft 6in double or even a 5ft King Size (ooohhh) and remains loyal to her 2ft 6in small single divan.

I think that Sarah was secretly gutted that I'd downgraded the Virgin Cable TV package since her last visit because, quite frankly, we weren't watching 90% of the content and it was a waste of money.  Oh well, it's my life.  I did get the distinct impression that she disapproved of my current lack of employment and the fact that she rises at the (ungodly) hour of 05:30 every morning is the only suitable life choice for the working woman (she's made many a disparaging comment about working parents in her time ...)

The thing that did make me laugh was her tales about her having to undertake excessive lawn mowing in the back and front gardens of her terraced property(!) and the fact that she refuses to place anything in the council-provided recycling boxes, choosing to recycle via the bottle bank network(!) whilst out and about. It's fair enough if you're single, but purrrllessseeee?  Yes, I know that I shouldn't be unduly judgemental and maybe, just maybe she shows traits of OCD, but would never admit it, nor seek any suitable support to address the condition, which isn't the way that I'd choose to live my life, but when's all said and done, I'm a completely different person.  

Post #75: Resources Plus Covering Letter

This is a redacted version of the covering letter I sent to my contact in Resources Plus (a council-funded scheme to get people off of the unemployment statistics/find new jobs etc ...)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi [Name]

It was great to meet you last Tuesday and thank you for providing an overview of the work of Resources Plus.  As requested, I attach a copy of my CV, which, quite frankly is geared towards my previous career as a civil servant.  I'll flesh out the details a little more on xxxx, but basically, I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome last year following years of issues at work and in my personal life.  The knowledge that I do have the condition and how it limits everything has made it almost impossible for me to seek a suitable role.  I took voluntary redundancy in April after twenty-one years of working in the public sector - the highest grade I achieved was Higher/Senior Executive Officer.

I have attempted to obtain public service Agency Work, via Brook Street back in August and more recently, Adecco.  Brook Street put an awful lot of pressure on me to accept a totally unsuitable role, which included working in awful conditions with xxxxxxxxxxx.  I quit after seven days.  I'd ideally like to work part-time and flexibly, but no employer seems to be able to facilitate that.  Although I registered with Adecco back in September, I never heard back from them, despite their hollow promise that 'I had been fast tracked to the top of their temp list ...'

With all of this behind me, it's clear to me why I'm so disillusioned.  Also, any paid employment I obtain could affect the level of Disability Living Allowance I obtain on behalf of my son, who has Autism and ADHD.  In addition, my husband is a secondary carer for his Mother, who has dementia and lives in a residential home, and his Brother, who has profound learning difficulties, who resides in a different one.  This is the main reason why we both left successful careers in the Civil Service.  

All the best

Faspie

Post #74: The Comfort Zone Is There For A Reason

On Tuesday I went to a gig in trendy east London.  One of my male friends (I'm not a total sleaze: being a female Aspie, the demographic I mostly click with, friends-wise, tend to be straight geeky guys) asked me along as he'd purchased two tickets ages ago when he was dating a London-based party animal.  That said, regular readers of the blog will know that I'm not really suited to such events; I did, however, decided to break outside of my comfort zone and try to embrace a different experience.

As ever, the medium of online coversation is not straightforward; the WhatsApp trail became confusing whilst I was wandering around John Lewis in Westfield East, Stratford and I only got his call when I was en route to Hackney and desperately trying to push my way through the UK's seemingly busiest transport hub, Stratford Station.  He himself has a condition which makes travelling on crowded public transport an issue, so let's just say that the evening didn't really get off to the best start?

Baxters Court, The Wetherspoons in Hackney was absolutely packed, which I'm unsure was a normal occurrence for a Tuesday night, but maybe it was?  Once we'd managed to get a table, it was located far too closely to the one behind, and I had a braying woman shouting in my ear after one couple left and were replaced by a group of urban middle-class east Londoners. That kind of thing always tends to happen to me.

Once we moved onto the gig I was immediately tranported back to the nineties when I was indeed in my twenties and I guess, young.  I'm not really trendy, although I confess that I do wear Ray-Ban Wayfarers, but that's because I'm incredibly shortsighted and really do need them, so they're not really a fashion affectation.  We soon moved into the performance hall and it was ... crowded; people were pushing past all of the time, it was just, far too crazy for me.  I really thought that the night would never end; even though I'd removed my M&S cardigan (yeah, so what?!) and placed my Gap leather jacket over my retro blouse, I was still far too hot.  I can't imagine that I ever managed to glean any enjoyment out of such an evening, I really don't.  Anyway, to cut a long story short, I ended up leaving my friend and getting out a bit early - say, 22:35ish.  He didn't follow, which caused a few communication issues, which we later smoothed out via the medium of text and WhatsApp.

I fully realise that I am far too middle-aged for my own good, but being an Aspie isn't an easy ride sometimes.

Post #73: Taking A Break From Facebook

Yes, I'm the first person to say that I lack empathy, but I really cannot help it.  I like to assist others, but not when it's detrimental to my own (often fragile) wellbeing.  Fair enough: so what's sparked this off then?  Well, it's nothing specific, but a bit of a build up of a number of issues ...

In my experience, which is limited in certain ways, blokes tend to talk at you more than to you.  I mean, as an Autistic woman I tend to befriend neurotypical men more than any other group of people, but it does come with its own issues; self-absorption is one of them.  You may advise me to cut off, which I often do - Facebook Messenger messages are often left unread and not replied to and yes, I've even managed to turn off the 'dings' and the stupid face icon functionality. That said, sometimes something more dramatic is required and this afternoon I've deactivated my Facebook account.  I feel better already - I mean, I've deactivated it a few times before and even if I haven't, I've made a thing of removing the Facebook app from my smartphone and tablet.  I usually last about a week, but even seven days counts as a digital detox in my opinion.  I'm still retaining Twitter and Instagram though as I find those much more impersonal and quite frankly, more fun.

Post #72: My Son And Super Mario Bros

We have a Wii U games console at home. Yes, it's not a PS4 or an X-Box, but the Wii's more of a family device and to date, there's never been a Grand Theft Mario on sale. During the autumn and winter months, my son becomes more and more obsessed with certain games and spends ages perfecting his performance. 'Fair enough' you may think, but he does get rather angry whilst doing so - for example, when he loses, he's oft to hit himself in the face or state awful statements such as "I want to kill myself."

His game du jour is Super Mario Bros U. I have helpfully included a picture of the cover below.

I quite like the concept: a diminutive Italian plumber and his lithe younger brother are tasked to save the pink heroine, Princess Peach, from the clutches of supervillain/antagonist, Bowser and his cohort of angry acolytes. It's really quirky: you can hitch a ride on the friendly reptilian back of Yoshi, or zoom around on a cloud. That said, I do get moaned at by my son when I have the audacity to lose a life during a two player game.

I fear that this is going to be a rather protracted half-term holiday.

Post #71 - School Assembly Angst

Yesterday morning myself and my husband attended our son's Year 5 Harvest Assembly.  My, it was crowded: the chairs were pressed far too closely together, also quite a few parents had decided to fill the rows from the middle and therefore we had to literally climb over their legs.  Thank you for your consideration, as ever.  The combination of the noise from the school orchestra, the shouting and generally the ambiance is my idea of an aspie hell, plus it seemed to go on and on - in total, it was nearly an hour in duration.  I could see our son, sat at the end of his year group, stimming away, looking more and more different from his peers.

I try to tread a line between wanting to support our son at school activities, but also being mindful of just quite how stressful they are for me.  I did have to laugh though, because the assembly went on so long, quite a few parents had to run out of the hall before the parking restrictions in the roads surrounding the school began at 10am.  Please don't get me started on parents who insist on driving their precious ones to school when they live much nearer the aforementioned educational establishment than I do.

Post #70: Lego

OK, I admit it - I'm a bit of a child; it's fun and I don't see why, even in middle-age, that I should change anything. I'm playing with Lego today and yes, before you ask, I *did* buy it all for my son and no, he shows absolutely no interest whatsoever and didn't even appreciate the school's trial of Lego Therapy either.  I've always liked Lego - I owned loads of it as a child, my favourite being town and castle Lego (they had horses, swords and wimples!)  and used to create storylines for my characters to act out - so much for Aspies not having any imagination!

I'm embracing it now and have just made this parrot:

Yay! Long live Lego.

Post #69: Caring For Elders & Helping Others

If you know me (and quite frankly, I'm an online presence, so why would you?) You'd be aware of my family's care back story, but in a nutshell, my mother-in-law and brother-in-law are both now in residential accommodation following quite a few stressful years of juggling their care needs with the various agencies/social services/Uncle Tom Cobley etc, within their former flat. It was so much fun that it pretty much ended my husband's career (he took early retirement) and ruined his health (he's got tachycardia now.)

Anyway ... MIL is ninety-one, has vascular dementia and is no longer eating. So, I'm up in London today and I'll pop in first thing and help her. I'm also seeing a friend for lunch, a former colleague who suspects that one of her daughters may be on the spectrum. I do hope that I can help.

Post #68: Here's (Yet Another) P45

Last Friday's post brought a cheque for the holiday pay I'd accrued whilst working that seven-and-a-half-day assignment for Brook Street in September. Today's mail included ... wait for it ... my P45. How very pleasant indeed; another one for the collection.

Adecco haven't called back either; clearly the guy who promised that "I was on his list of top temps" was talking out of his backside? Huh.

Post #67 - The Future Of Work

Guess what - regarding my 'career' - I haven't heard a 'dicky bird' from The Other Agency!  I am so glad, but on the other hand, it's clear that if a disabled member of staff requests flexible/part-time work then they've pretty much 'had it'.  Oh what a joy!

In other news I'm volunteering with a couple of local charities and am off to see a couple of their representatives tomorrow morning to determine some suitable roles.  I'm hankering after a kind of policy slant, well, I was a career civil servant.

Post #66: My Future Career

I've only just recently come to the decision that I really don't wish to place myself, my family, friends or anyone else through the stress of having to support me in the workplace. I can't cope. Last Wednesday I schlepped up to London to attend an initial appointment with another employment agency (the premises of which, I couldn't actually find, even with the assured assistance of Google Maps and ended up being fifteen minutes late.)

I completed all of the database work and sat (yet another!) online test - this time, data input. The consultant listened to my tales of woe concerning my last Agency experience and promised(!) that such a thing wouldn't happen with their portfolio of clients. He also said that he'd be able to source me flexible and part-time posts, but as we all sadly know, such roles are rarer than hen's teeth.

Watch this space, but with my son's needs escalating, I feel that *any* return to the wonderful world of work would prove an impossible dream.

Post #65: Online Agency Tests

I'm not in the greatest of moods at the moment following last week's agency job fiasco. I feel really cruddy. Anyway, I've made an appointment to see a rival Agency tomorrow, but I don't hold up much hope as the first one completely ignored both my Asperger Syndrome diagnosis and associated reasonable adjustments.

Yesterday wasn't particularly good either: I watched 'Blair Witch' at the cinema and despite the short running time, the combination of the shaky cam and regular ear busting jump scares made me feel motion sick. I would have left early, but I didn't want to hang around the shopping centre until it was time to pick my son up from school.

I then had a rant in Barclays about how they've inconvenienced customers by closing loads of their branches.

Finally, after we met with my son's class teacher and discussed his future in regard to Secondary Education (grim!) I came home and sat down at the laptop to complete the standard Agency tests. They were bloody impossible: 30 questions concerning Microsoft Word, a program which I usually navigate via the right click menu. I mean, who uses macros?

Post #64: The Weary World Of Work

Yesterday, myself and my husband went up to view a couple of the buildings featured in the annual Open House London fest. En route, we strolled through the area in which I'd spent the majority of my working career and the continuing changes will make the whole place unrecognisable before long. There was a townhouse on sale for a 'cool' £16.5m around the corner, which I'm sure you'll agree, offers excellent value for money in these straightened times?

We discussed how the world of work has changed for the worse over the years. A decade ago I could have found a job which suited my unique Aspie skills, but sadly that's no longer the case. It's brutal out there.

Post #63: End Of Temporary Assignment

I was asked to leave the building at 13:42 today and was out by 14:00. Why was that you may ask?

Well, the day didn't start well, I was the only one in and as I'm still too new to know the ropes I struggled. Obviously I cannot go into too much detail as I could be liable for persecution for breaching the Official Secrets Act, but it wasn't a happy place. My husband telephoned the employment agency at 10:00 and once I'd completed my morning's work I called the back and quit the role stating that the hours didn't suit my lifestyle. They advised me to contact my manager, which I did and she terminated me with immediate effect.

Oh well. Another one bites the dust.

Post #62: The Heat, The Job, The Fan And My Weightloss

So ... it's September and it's boiling hot. It's making me very cross and I've been quite snappy with people. I was meant to accompany my friend to a special advance screening at the Cinema tonight, but the venue was closed due to a power cut. I rang Miss Friend and her mobile didn't pick up, it just rang and rang. I then sent her a text and she called me back, but I was quite short with her, bemoaning the fact that I couldn't leave a message on her voicemail as she doesn't switch it on because of the costs involved in retrieving messages.

Bah!

My new job is ... full-time. I have worked part-time since I returned from Maternity Leave. At least I don't currently have to commute. Yet.

Post #61 - I Have A Job (well, a temporary one ...)

Yes, last week I obtained gainful employment.  Granted it's on temporary three-month contracts, but hey.  It's also located locally.  Watch this space.

Post #60 - Seeking Temporary Agency Work

Now, if you've been reading my blog regularly you'll know that I haven't worked full-time hours since 2007, a month or two before my son was born.  Why not? You may ask, well it's a combination of childcare and working part-time is better for my mental health overall.  Apparently ALL employers want FT staff now. Nice.

Fast forward to voluntary redundancy and now, the search for temporary employment.  I have registered with a couple of employment agencies, which I am not allowed to name because I've signed a confidentiality clause.  I can't really say a great deal else really.  Anyway, I did state on the paperwork that I do indeed have a disability and that it's Asperger's.  Gawd help me.

Post #59 - The Seaside Amusement Arcade

Yesterday we went to the Amusement arcade as we're currently staying on the coast. My s9n has become obsessed with the air hockey table, which is now £1 per play as opposed to 50p per play back in the Whitson Half Term! That's inflation for you.

Anyway, he soon got over-excited and began to shout; the noise, lights and general ambiance of the arcade is sensory overload for him, and my husband took him back to the bungalow. I won an Angry Birds 'Chuck' toy on the 2p flipper machine, so not all was lost.

Talking of vibrantly coloured birds, we bought this budgerigar coaster (along with a stuffed toy beaver) from a local wildlife park's gift shop.

Post #58 - Son In iPod Rage

The screen of my son's iPod is now totally wrecked. This will be the second replacement glass we'll need to purchase at a cost of £60. This is also the point in which it gets taken away from him. Forever. As will his other pad, the Samsung one.

Why on earth were you letting your child have two pads? Well, judgey pants, having a son with ASD and ADHD is pretty much impossible to deal with at times. He's in our face - . constantly. I personally believe that we try our best, but it's really difficult.

Thereth end thy sermon. Bless you all.

Post #57 - A Trip To The Cinema

Now, I must confess that I am the proud possessor of a Cineworld Unlimited Card (feel free to click on the link to see what that's all about) so this, combined with the fact that I'm currently out of work, means that I visit the cinema.  A lot.

"But you're an Aspie!" you may say - "cinema visits must be a complete nightmare?"

Well, yes and no really.  I tend to avoid busy times and don't tend to see films on the very day they're released.  That said, I still experience a few issues.  Here, step, by Aspie step, is the process involved for me to go and see a film:

• Before: purchase one (or if I'm pushing the boat out, two) bottles of Sainsbury's latte (yeah, it's 80p and available in the chiller cabinet near the lunch things - it does tend to sell out, so don't go quaffing it before I've bought mine - thanks!)

• Try to time my arrival ten or so minutes into the programme, which consists of a series of adverts and trailers and tends to last between 25-30 minutes prior to the film actually beginning
• Show my card (which often gets rejected at the 02(!) and choose a suitable seat for the performance - I tend to prefer the back as I gain a better panoramic view.  Hopefully near absolutely nobody, especially annoying people
• Find my allocated seat - sometimes this means turfing somebody else out of it - not that I care though - my seat, my rules!
• Sit down, get comfy, check in on Facebook (gawd I'm tragic!), ensure that I've set my mobile to its 'vibrate only' function
• Cring every time the door opens and pray that nobody sits anywhere near me
• Visibly prickle when two, three or even four people walk in, each holding a mega bag of popcorn and a large soft drink each and proceed to sit behind me
• Hope that the person sitting three rows in front of me would have switched off their mobile by the time the film starts - as well as being noisy, the light emitted from the screen illuminates the dark room in an annoying fashion
• The film begins (phew!) - anticipate the ache that will undoubtedly occur in the back of my neck when the people behind me begin to crunch their popcorn and slurp their straws
• It's not too bad ...
• The question is: should I renew my Unlimited Card next year, or just stick to watching Blu-Rays at home instead?

Post #56 - Cancelling Plans

Now, I write this in full knowledge that, as an Aspie, I may see life differently to others.  Yes, I can become more upset and take it much more personally than neurotypical people.  The issue is that I can't really factor in the important stuff which other people take as read.

Right, here's the background - I was supposed to be going to visit a friend down on the south coast.  I used to work with him a few years back and haven't seen him at all for the past couple of years - we keep in sporadic contact on Facebook and via email, although he's always been quite dismissive of such things, thinking himself to be a superior being and above such inane ramblings.*

Anyway, I'd already paid the deposit on a B&B room because I didn't want to undertake a whole load of rail travel in just one day.  He was rather evasive about which weekends he was free during the summer, but we agreed on one.  Bingo.

Er no, not quite - yesterday evening I received an apologetic email from him stating that the particular weekend we'd planned was ... wait for it ... his parents' Golden Wedding Anniversary.  Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't people usually aware of stuff like that?  Hmm.  Not happy.  Not happy at all.  He's yet another person to add to the (ever growing) list of people to block and ignore from now on.  If little else, this is a really useful line in the sand.  I rarely change my mind.

At least I enjoy my own company, which is rather useful at times.

*If I thought such a thing, why on earth was I keeping in contact with him you may ask?  The answer is that he's quite charming and quirky.  I am, however, clearly a myopic fool when it comes to some people.

Post #55 - School Charity Days

Today is 'wear green and yellow to show your support'. Hmm. What to do - I mean I don't want to send my son to school wearing a Norwich City football strip. Eventually, I found a yellow t-shirt for £1.90 in Primark, but surely, by rights, I should have been giving that to charity - not to a retail behemoth?

So, what's the issue? Well, my son hates being different and therefore dislikes deviating from school uniform and steadfastly refused to this morning. My husband had to bring him home to change this morning because the young 'un had seen his classmates en route to school bedecked in green and yellow.

Post #54 - Avoid Selling on eBay

I have been stung and boy, it hurts.

I'll elaborate (without going into too much detail); basically, I sold an item on eBay in late May - it was an item of clothing I'd purchased via eBay and didn't fit, so I duly listed it and it sold.  On 31st May, the buyer contacted me stating that it's defective and that she wants to return it for a full refund.

Now, here's the thing about eBay returns - basically, as a seller, you haven't a leg to stand on.  A buyer can state that an item is defective and even though it probably isn't, eBay will always side with them and issue a full refund.  They can even issue negative feedback and guess what?  You cannot!

So, anyway, I accepted the return and issued a refund.  The funds were then put on hold until she returned it.  I provided a pre-paid Hermes label to send it back with.  She refused and had the audacity to call me a scammer.  She still hasn't sent it back; eBay's customer service is downright useless and they told me to contact the Police, which I've done via the http://www.actionfraud.police.uk/ website and submitted a full report.

I emailed the buyer today stating all of this and that, by keeping the item, that she's contravening the Theft Act 1968.  She replied (in her usual awful syntax) stating that eBay had told her to keep the item.  Yes, apparently they can do that.

I've written to Which?, but I won't get anywhere.  Take my advice though - DON'T SELL ON EBAY!!

Post #53 Was That It?

Me and my husband went on a guided walk of Wandsworth this afternoon. Why, you may ask - there's precious little to see? You'd be right ...

The south circular isn't a particularly pleasant place to be, especially when you're trying to hear the guide.  Also, quite a few of the other people on the walk weren't particularly pleasant - many blocked the entrance to the train station and one officious woman kept talking to her friends in a loud and strident manner, so I couldn't hear the guide's initial instruction. Just. Plain. Rude.

Oh well ...

Post #52 - What A Week (That Wasn't)

So, it's currently 03:10 in the UK and once again, I cannot sleep.  We returned today from my parents' holiday home on the Kent Coast, but as many people will undoubtedly be aware, last week's weather was bleedin' awful - wind, rain, howling gales etc.  It was half-term too, bah!

Anyway, onwards and upwards - in our absence the building work on the bathroom is certainly taking shape, but there's loads more to be done.  I particularly like the soft closing toilet seat which reminded me of Uncle Harvey's Greatest Wish in The League of Gentlemen.

Post #51 - Dealing With Your Aspie Child

It's a strange thing parenting an autistic son - for example, there's so much I do understand, but then there's a whole lot of other stuff I haven't a clue about.  For example, and forgive me if I've mentioned it before, but he's got a thing about being seen about with two parents.  I recall being very embarrassed by my own mother whilst a teenager because she insisted on wearing a market purchased florescent pink sweatshirt emblazoned with 'Macadam Street Boys' on the front and a crude depiction of a youth skateboarding with gay abandon.  That said, I don't really wear anything particularly odd whilst out and about.

He wanted a classmate of his to visit on Sunday.  We don't normally do playdates in this household because I find it really stressful.  The child in question isn't a particularly good influence on him in my opinion, but I won't elaborate, lest I get pilloried for such behaviour.

In other news, I'm still obsessed with my Cineworld Unlimited Card.  For those not in the know, it's a pre-paid card in which the consumer signs up for a year's subscription at the princely sum of £16.90 per calendar month.  For that, you can have entry into pretty much any cinema in the UK, with the exception of the three ones located in central London.  I have been to see countless films since I obtained the card back in February - some good, some bad and others, well, they were mediocre.

Post #50 - Future Plans and Creative Writing

In regard to future plans, well, I logged onto an employment agency's website and saw that there were quite a few Civil Service posts available.  Great, that gives me quite a lot of hope of a return as a temporary worker in the autumn.  I don't think that being out of work really suits me, after all, I had been in paid employment since I was nineteen.

Yesterday I attended an 'Autobiography Into Fiction' course at the City Lit, which is an arts college located in Covent Garden, central London.  It was quite a long day - 10:30 through to 17:30 to be exact, but it was packed full of interesting material.  The tutor's chosen written style and oeuvre wasn't to my particular taste, but you could tell that he clearly has talent.  I find it a really strange juxtaposition because the suburb I live in doesn't really have much of an intellectual population, but if I get on the train they'll be a room full of well-read people talking about Proust and Edward Hopper.  Even I'm not that cultured!

Post #49 - Two Weeks Post Seizure, Life Goes On

It does indeed. I'm currently writing this post on my smartphone whilst lying in bed, I've been really tired today and made the decision to rest this afternoon. This morning I returned to my French class, it was lesson four of six, but I cannot state, hand on heart, that I really enjoy it as I tend to struggle with learning languages. Also, the tutor is a bit scatty and doesn't appear to be following the course outline. As a typical Aspie, I rely on structured learning environments.

I should have really attended choir tonight, but I've missed the first and second rehearsals so far. I think that I've written about my frustration before, but although I love to sing, the group dynamics really vex me and the fact that at least two of the altos are tone deaf is rather disconcerting.

Hopefully I'll cheer up soon. I have signed up for a 'Turning Autobiography Into Fiction' day at The City Lit on Saturday.

Post #48 - Post Tonic Clonic Seizure

Apologies for not writing for a while, but following my departure from work, I haven't been myself recently. I have also experienced some quite serious health issues which cumulated in me being taken to Accident and Emergency last Thursday night with what's technically known as a 'Tonic Clonic Seizure'. I won’t go into the medical technicalities, but it's the new name for the good old 'Grand Mal' seizures of yesteryear and mine was specifically caused by a lack of Vitamin D, sulphates and an electrolyte imbalance.

Yikes! I was duly attached to a drip and restored home 18 hours later. Since then I've felt totally knackered and have had to surrender my driving licence to the DVLA. Bah! I know that I never used it, but it was a great piece of ID.

Life goes on. There's currently a thunderstorms raging outside my bedroom window, so after an amble around the shops this morning, I hardly feel as though I'm missing out!

Post #47 - Leaving Work

Yes, you read it correctly - on Monday I finally left work; well, I say that, but I'm currently on annual leave at the moment pending my official departure date in late April.  Am I upset about it all?  Well, yes and no really - being made redundant in middle age isn't particularly pleasant, but I must admit to being pretty unhappy during the last few years of my career.

Will I be able to secure another job for myself in the future?  Who knows?  With Asperger's it's almost impossible to find employment to suit myself.  The Government sure seems to be slashing all of the financial support for disabled people - for example, my husband had to spend ages completing a form relating to his brother's various medical conditions.  Quite frankly, if my BIL cannot even wipe his own bottom, how on earth is he going to obtain and keep a job? Honestly!

Post #46 - Dealing With Others' Expectation of Your Condition

In many ways I believe that Asperger Syndrome presents rather like Biopolar Disorder in so many ways, hence why loads of Aspies, especially female ones, were misdiagnosed with the condition in the past.  Why is that?  Well, now that spring's in the air and it's getting lighter in the mornings, my being feels much more energised, which is the total polar opposite of how totally drained I feel in October/November when the nights draw in there's very little natural light available.  I often have trouble sleeping, but luckily my handy Audible app is able to read to me during the small hours, failing that, I read the letters page of the Radio Times instead, as I find that particularly soporific and the levels of pedantry are unrivaled.

I am, by nature, a fairly fiesty person and don't have any issue in defending my own position in an eloquent, yet firm manner. I am a depressive, mainly because this, combined with it's evil twin, anxiety, is technically known as a 'co-morbid' condition to my primary diagnosis of AS.  I take SSRI medication to level my moods and whatever the pros and cons of the drugs involved, they do work for me, despite making me very tired indeed and unable to consume a great deal of alcohol(!)  Those who condemn clinical intervention are welcome to do so, but I don't think that it would be fair to those around me to leave my moods unchecked.  It's an old analogy, but would you really suggest to someone with a broken back that they should begin limbo lessons next term and just 'get on with it'?  You wouldn't?  Hmm.

I called a friend out last night (oh, how I'm enjoying using this American terminology!) when she visited and started condemning a colleague's husband for taking time off of work to deal with his work-based anxiety and depression.  Did she really and truly believe that the gentleman in question's GP would sign him off at the drop of a hat?  No?  Well, let me tell you, they don't tend to.  Gawd help my friend if she needs assistance during a personal crisis of her own then! Carry on being a martyr if you wish to, but don't feel the need to judge others who choose to have children and, horror of horrors, need to take their child(ren) to school or nursery before commencing work.  Maybe we all need to go back to a time when women were given their cards on marriage?  No, well, I thought not.

Post #45 - Me, My Aspie Son and The Nintendo Wii U

Now, there's a problem, well insofar as my son loves to play on the Wii/WiiU, but he really cannot bear to lose.  Usually a defeat concludes in him stamping on the hall floor like a latter-day Rumpelstiltskin - I do worry about him clumping through the Homebase laminate.  He sees a speech therapist/SALT every other month and she's working on his attitude to defeat, but he still plays up.  For example, I've just purchased a new WiiU game featuring Mario, plus his brother Luigi and the other residents of the Mushroom Kingdom(!) but I made the mistake of changing the disc to Nintendoland and beating him at the Mario Chase - it was the first time as he's succeeded every time to date.  Cue: rage, screaming, shouting - the lot.  He calmed down after his father spoke to him for a bit.

To lighten the mood, here's the genius of Jim'll Paint It's Mario and Luigi on Rogue Traders.  It's fab.  Do check out more of his work (plus his merchandise) via http://jimllpaintit.tumblr.com/

Post #44: My Aspie Son

Until recently I believed that my son had what is commonly referred to as 'Classic Autism'. I now no longer feel that he has and does indeed share my diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome.

Why is that? Well, the similarities between both of our respective personalities is fairly uncanny, plus he's extremely verbal.  Mind you, who knows where anyone actually sits on this lovely autistic spectrum?

Post #43: A Trip Out With My Aspie Mate

A friend of mine, a former colleague from work has recently resigned and therefore is heading back up north to re-join family and friends.  Thus, it would be the last time that I'd be able to see him for a while, so with this in mind, we agreed to meet up at a cafe in Forest Hill we'd talked about before - namely The Archie Parker which is owned by Trevor, one half of the famous 1980s BBC Going Live! comedy duo, namely the 'Singing Corner'.  The Archie Parker is very cute and retro and the vibe is fantastic, furnished as it is with gingham drop leaf tables and with classic Look In covers framed on the walls.

I must admit that my friend, who also has Asperger Syndrome pitched his voice a little too loudly for my comfort.  He also talked at me, rather than to me, but that's what he's like really.  I often do find that males with AS are much more socially awkward than females on the spectrum - I guess that it's all that hiding, fluffing and acting we have to do to get through our lives?

We then had a wander around the Horniman Musuem which was rather lovely. I do rather like the walrus!  There are also some rather wonderful gardens, but the weather was so awful that we deferred our visit to those.

It took two long-winded buses to get there and two buses and one train on the return leg.  I always carry my iPod nano 4th generation player with me in the bag to play when the background noise on the bus gets too much for me to bear.  It's a great strategy and seemingly works well!

Post #42: The Hairdressers and The Doctor's

Yep, as the title suggests I visited both today.  The first was the hairdresser this morning and no, it wasn't too bad.  I had a money off voucher as I hadn't been to the salon for about six months and the computer generated email wondered why, which was a nice touch from Mr Babbage.  It wasn't an an awful experience - I only bashed into one piece of furniture and my stylist wasn't particularly talkative, so I could listen into other people's conversations, such as:

Hairdresser (HD): "So, what did you do for the New Year?
Woman: Not much, just had a few friends and family over and ate bits 'n' pieces.
HD: Really?  Where did you get 'em from?
Woman: The supermarket and the kiddies' gifts from the pound shop.
HD: Kids love all that stuff don't they?
Woman: Yeah.
HD: My aunt and uncle have parties and they tend to cook up a huge pot of curry and another of chili - no wastage ....

And so on ....

I like my hair though - it looks good.

This afternoon we took our son to the GP after school about his food allergies. He's continuing the elimination diet and will be going for a blood test in the next couple of weeks.  Sigh.

Post #41: Endings and Beginnings

Well, I'm currently in the process of signing off my redundancy forms and submitting them. Do I feel sad? No, not really if I'm honest.

In other news, a fellow Aspie from work has resigned. Yep, he's leaving London to return to his family up north. I don't blame him, although it's much colder up there, but it *is* friendlier. And accommodation's cheaper.

Post #40: Lack Of Detail

Yeah, it's me and I'm moaning again - sorry!  I just feel like I have to vent it out on someone and well, the interweb's a good place for that kind of thing because nobody pre-judges you (that bit's a joke by the way, of course they do!)

My email to a council employee explains in greater detail.  I've redacted anything specific:

Carers' Conference - Friday, 16th January: Feedback

Hi XXXX,

Thank you for your invitation to the Carers' Conference which was held today.  Unfortunately I turned up at 11:30, believing the 'Conference' to be more of a 'wander around the various stalls and talk to people event' and not a 'sit down in the Council Chamber and listen to professionals giving PowerPoint presentations'.  Re-reading the A4 Word background document, as did my husband, we concluded, a former XXXXX ourselves, that there just wasn't enough clarity concerning this issue.  For example, I'd always structure an Conference agenda in this way:

10:00 - Registration/Coffee

10:15 - Opening Address - Her Worshipful, The Mayor of XXXXX

10:45 - First speaker etc

This format is also useful to those of us accessing the attachment via a smartphone app as it's extremely clear.  Also, the use of a structured format and plain English encompasses the needs of people with conditions such as Dyslexia and Dyscalcula as well as those on the Autistic Spectrum.  

I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome myself last year following my son's diagnosis, via XXXXX NHS Trust, back in 2011.  As you can imagine, I'm very interested to get involved in the Special Needs Sector.  Both myself and my son experience extreme social anxiety and tools such as background documents/structure etc are essential elements to allow us to function.  The National Autistic Society (NAS) encompass this extremely well in regard to the background material they provide pertaining to their annual 'AutismCon' events and a former colleague of mine sits on the organising committee.

Yours sincerely

(F)Aspie

Post #39: Rainy Days and Thursdays

Before you ask, no I didn't go to the NAS Coffee Morning this morning. Why's that then? Well, it's raining and the lack of railway service is causing some odd behaviour on the roads at the moment and quite frankly, I'm having my own personal coffee morning here in my living room, alone - apart from the cat slumbering over in the corner.

Surely the main point of attending coffee mornings is to mingle with others in the same situation? Yes, true, but I just don't feel 'right' in myself and I'm attending choir tonight and the Carers' Conference tomorrow, so that's enough socialising for now.

Here's a picture of the now deserted railway  (caused by a landslide) - here's hoping that they'll be able to remove all of the rubble from the tracks and restore the service soon?

Post #38 - Better and (Un)Twisted!

I am starting to feel much better about myself, which is great.  The weather's getting cold (brrr!), but it is the middle of the winter in the UK.  As for me, well, let's just say that I'm reaching out and trying to do more.  Tomorrow I'll try to attend the monthly NAS Coffee Morning and maybe Choir in the evening?  Friday, I'm planning to go to a Carers' Conference which is being held in the Council Offices and then Saturday - London.  Yes, the smokin' Metropolis, somewhere I haven't been since early November.  I've even signed up to a short Creative Writing Course - the first session of which is being held next Tuesday afternoon.  I'm trying to follow my GP's advice about putting a routine back in place.  Watch this space!

Post #37 - Bitter and Twisted?

When I was growing up, my parents often used the term 'twitter and bisted', but that was years prior to the micro-blogging site's launch - maybe they were visionaries who never knew it?  Probably not.

Oh, what can I say - I'm always in a flipping mood these days and the SSRIs are probably the cause of this.  It could, however, be my natural 'arsey' personality - who can tell?  I probably drink far too much coffee in the morning - it could be an overindulgence in caffeine?    Maybe.  It could be a case of becoming vexed by lazy stupid people who fail to turn up their chair they agreed to take from my home via the recycling site Freecycle?

I won't bore you with my continuing work woes as there's no point and I'm not permitted to anyway.  I just wish that there was an easier way of working when one's an Aspie and most things seem out of reach ..... This phrase always reminds me of this classic Hall and Oates song: I Can't Go For That (No Can Do).  Yes, I do appreciate the use of parenthesis in a song title.

Post #36 - Dealing With Care Issues

Regular readers may be aware that my husband was, until recently, the main point of caring contact for his 90-year-old mother, who has vascular dementia and 54-year-old brother, who has profound learning and physical difficulties.  I won't repeat myself as it's all detailed in one of my other blogs: Caring For The Carers.

Right, as an aspie, dealing with the minefield of family care is pretty bad.  Aspies are always told that they 'lack empathy' and that's true for me in some ways, but not in others.  I do care deeply for those close to me, but if it's an unfeeling and selfish person, well let's just say that I'm not afraid to make my feelings known.  I did this once after my brother died; one of my grandfather's Pimlico neighbours (who was, strangely, the daughter-in-law of former UK Prime Minister, Stanley Baldwin) kept calling our home number and accusing us of ignoring my grandfather's needs.  After about two terse calls with the patrician pest I told her to go away in no uncertain terms.

I've just dealt with my husband's email correspondence regarding our new focus on close family care this year.  I think that this late 1980s track really sums up my thoughts at the moment: Tired Of Getting Pushed Around.

Post #35 - MumAspie Tips - Bungee Laces

I wrote a post about purchasing some bungee laces as a life hack/workaround regarding my son's continuing inability to fasten his shoes.  Unfortunately, I drafted the text on the Android Blogger app and it wouldn't publish, however many times I tried, which was a right PITA.  Apparently this is a common issue with the app's efficacy.  Hmm.

The jist was that I bought two x two metres of grey and white bungee cord from a seller on eBay (whom I really wouldn't hugely recommend as he was quite snippy with me), but I duly laced up a pair of my son's trainers and another of his fake Converse baseball boot style ones.  I sealed the raggedly cut ends with sellotape, but on reflection, clear nail varnish may also work for this process - I'll test it and let you know.  I've placed the trainers in my son's school PE kit, so hopefully he won't lose those as well (one of his NEW black size 3 Hi-Tecs went astray prior to Christmas - rahhhhh!) we'll see.  I find that velcro trainers are really difficult to get hold of in his size, which is now a whacking great UK3 (he's only eight, but big feet do 'run' in our family - ha ha!)  Mind you, paying £72 in Clarks the other day for a new pair of school shoes and some black velcro trainers is rather steep to say the least.  I do appreciate the need to retain my son's phalanges though, what caring mother wouldn't?

Here they are: