The medical term for this kind of incidence is a 'co-morbid', but this isn't particularly popular with many people for quite obvious reasons. Morbidity tends to be something which isn't particularly sought after, a bit like the term 'morbidly obese'. Anyway, 'related condition' sounds much better. I recall the first time I became depressed - I was about nine-years-old at the time and it occurred just after Christmas when I'd been suffering from a chest infection. It was pretty horrible.
Yes, depression or clinical depression if you want to be 100% accurate. I think this is why many people with Autism/AS tend to be mis-diagnosed with bipolar disorder or other conditions such as Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD, although that moniker tends to make me think of Madonna's early 80s hit. I think it's mostly because an Aspie's world is a confusing one and trying to confirm to what many may call a 'social norm' is difficult and incredibly draining. I also believe that the onset of autumn makes me topple into Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). Hey ho - plenty of walking around outside for me tomorrow.
Wednesday, 23 September 2015
Thursday, 17 September 2015
Post #7 - Friendships
Like many Aspies I struggle somewhat to make friends and always have. I'm most comfortable in male company and by that I mean geeky blokes and not sporty examples of malehood replete with fake tan, loafers and hair gel. Yes, I can be judgemental, but believe me, those TOWIE clones don't go for geeky Faspies either.
I have had quite a few examples in my past of friends becoming far too close and obsessed by me. This happened when I was at an all-girls secondary school where a classmate soon turned from close friend to sworn enemy and tried to push me into oncoming traffic. Later on, as an adult a similar thing happened when a woman I met at an antenatal class became far too close and began to try and take over my life. This time I was warned off by my husband and parents. I think it's happening again though, but I don't really quite how to deal with it without upsetting the person concerned.
That said, when I like somebody I can become bloody obsessed myself. I have to be sat down and spoken to about it. There's very few grey areas with us Aspies is there?
I have had quite a few examples in my past of friends becoming far too close and obsessed by me. This happened when I was at an all-girls secondary school where a classmate soon turned from close friend to sworn enemy and tried to push me into oncoming traffic. Later on, as an adult a similar thing happened when a woman I met at an antenatal class became far too close and began to try and take over my life. This time I was warned off by my husband and parents. I think it's happening again though, but I don't really quite how to deal with it without upsetting the person concerned.
That said, when I like somebody I can become bloody obsessed myself. I have to be sat down and spoken to about it. There's very few grey areas with us Aspies is there?
Monday, 7 September 2015
Post #6 - What It Feels Like For An (Aspie) Girl
Having a young son with ASC I can see some definite parallels with my own behaviour. It's extremely geeky, that's for sure. The obsessions sometimes become ridiculous - my current ones are as follows:
- Using soap instead of shower gel whilst carrying out my ablutions
- Sinclair ZX Spectrum 48K computers - http://hexus.net/tech/news/peripherals/86246-the-recreated-zx-spectrum-launches-today/
- Uniqlo with special mention of their Ultra Stretch jeans and UT graphic t-shirts - http://www.uniqlo.com/uk/store/feature/uq/ut/all-ut/#women
- Nike trainers
- The London Underground (frankly, this is a constant ...)
- Diet and Exercise following the WiiFitU's confirmation of me as 'obese'
Oh dear, that makes me sound pretty tedious doesn't it? I'm not, honest - well, I am a little bit.
Saturday, 5 September 2015
Post #5 - Post Diagnosis
When the draft report of private diagnosis popped into my inbox I must admit that it made interesting reading and by that, well, it was a bit like being slapped around the face with a rancid wet fish. Being a typical Aspie, I zoomed in on the negative aspects such that I 'presented younger than my chronological age' and 'my voice had a montone air'. Yes, even now in middle age I don't really like being criticised as it eats away at my soul. I did question certain phrases and conclusions via email and on the phone and yes, they got duly amended.
That said, I'm an Aspie and therefore I'm disabled. I really never thought that I had 'special needs', I really didn't. I guess that many people don't really. It's like going into mourning in many ways; certain careers are verboten now and my life felt and indeed still feels, strange.
That said, I'm an Aspie and therefore I'm disabled. I really never thought that I had 'special needs', I really didn't. I guess that many people don't really. It's like going into mourning in many ways; certain careers are verboten now and my life felt and indeed still feels, strange.
Thursday, 3 September 2015
Post #4 - The Private Diagnosis
Now, I won't provide too many details on who actually carried out my private diagnosis, but let's just say that he's well renowned in his field. It took the form of three separate interactions: the first being at his private practice where he talked me through my notes and asked me to elaborate on various points. As ever, I was accompanied by my husband who's always a constant source of support. I recall becoming tearful as I often do when probed about my past; I wish that I didn't, but that's just me. I was deemed serious enough to qualify to the next stage of the process. The Psychologist asked me to write a detailed account of my life to date and my husband was requested to do the same. On reflection and chats with my mentor have found this to be far too detailed, but it was my opinion that he would extract certain elements out of my life story, not just cut and paste it in!
I also had to complete the AQ, EQ and SQ questionnaires - there's a link to these, plus a whole load of other ASC material here: http://www.autismresearchcentre.com/arc_tests I cannot recall my exact scores on each and quite frankly I don't really wish to provide them at this stage, but the results all fell within the 'yes, you're definitely an Aspie' range.
The day of the diagnosis fell and it took place at work which is located in central London. I booked a meeting room large enough for three, unfortunately all of the meeting rooms in the building have paper thin walls and you could hear a mouse cough next door. So, it was supposed to take up to five hours. Yes, really. We set up and worked through a series of tests, but I couldn't concentrate as there was somebody in the office next door shouting down the telephone. We had to ask him to desist, but I couldn't fully engage, I rarely can.
The puzzle element was difficult for me and I didn't recognise all of the weird facial expressions shown on the Psychologist's iPad - in fact, they closely resembled one of my friends, which was nice, albeit bizarre. You'll be pleased to learn that I excelled at the definitions of words and my voice became monotone at various points.
The conclusion: after a mere four hours(!) was that yes, I have Asperger Syndrome and no, it no longer exists as part of the DSM V: http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/all-about-diagnosis/changes-to-diagnostic-criteria/qanda-dsm-5.aspx Huh! I'm an Aspie, no doubt about it.
I also had to complete the AQ, EQ and SQ questionnaires - there's a link to these, plus a whole load of other ASC material here: http://www.autismresearchcentre.com/arc_tests I cannot recall my exact scores on each and quite frankly I don't really wish to provide them at this stage, but the results all fell within the 'yes, you're definitely an Aspie' range.
The day of the diagnosis fell and it took place at work which is located in central London. I booked a meeting room large enough for three, unfortunately all of the meeting rooms in the building have paper thin walls and you could hear a mouse cough next door. So, it was supposed to take up to five hours. Yes, really. We set up and worked through a series of tests, but I couldn't concentrate as there was somebody in the office next door shouting down the telephone. We had to ask him to desist, but I couldn't fully engage, I rarely can.
The puzzle element was difficult for me and I didn't recognise all of the weird facial expressions shown on the Psychologist's iPad - in fact, they closely resembled one of my friends, which was nice, albeit bizarre. You'll be pleased to learn that I excelled at the definitions of words and my voice became monotone at various points.
The conclusion: after a mere four hours(!) was that yes, I have Asperger Syndrome and no, it no longer exists as part of the DSM V: http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/all-about-diagnosis/changes-to-diagnostic-criteria/qanda-dsm-5.aspx Huh! I'm an Aspie, no doubt about it.
Sunday, 23 August 2015
Post #3 - The NHS Asperger Syndrome Diagnosis
A very caring contact arranged a posting back in my home Department and a few weeks later I was working once more. I had no post, but was 'actively seeking one'. A private diagnosis, via HR was also arranged. Bizarrely, both the NHS and Private ones coincided and I undertook both within a month of one another.
The NHS one was far simpler. I brought along my husband for support and my Mother for background evidence of my strange childhood. Now, it's fair to say that I don't really get on with my Mother as she's a very negative depressive person who fails to seek assistance in dealing with those particular conditions - she's also pretty certainly got full blown Asperger Syndrome or strong traits of it herself. It took place in a medical centre near a pub which had some bad memories for me - basically, I hadn't wished to go to a relative's hen night and my Mother pretty much forced me to attend. Anyway, the Doctor had a list of traits written down and asked me to elaborate on them, which I did. My Mother was suitably vindictive whilst discussing my past, wrapping everything up in an 'unreasonable child' cocoon. I burst into tears and was pretty upset.
The conclusion was, after about an hour and a half was that I had Asperger Syndrome. I was pleased with the findings.
The NHS one was far simpler. I brought along my husband for support and my Mother for background evidence of my strange childhood. Now, it's fair to say that I don't really get on with my Mother as she's a very negative depressive person who fails to seek assistance in dealing with those particular conditions - she's also pretty certainly got full blown Asperger Syndrome or strong traits of it herself. It took place in a medical centre near a pub which had some bad memories for me - basically, I hadn't wished to go to a relative's hen night and my Mother pretty much forced me to attend. Anyway, the Doctor had a list of traits written down and asked me to elaborate on them, which I did. My Mother was suitably vindictive whilst discussing my past, wrapping everything up in an 'unreasonable child' cocoon. I burst into tears and was pretty upset.
The conclusion was, after about an hour and a half was that I had Asperger Syndrome. I was pleased with the findings.
Sunday, 16 August 2015
Post #2 - When You Know Something's Wrong, But You Cannot Prove It
Following on from my initial chat with the GP, I waited about four months to have a pre-assessment session with my local Mental Health Team. This took place on a Thursday morning in the same satellite hospital my son was diagnosed in. It was basically me, my husband and a social worker who had a series of set questions to ask me. I'll admit it, I became very emotional throughout, especially when probed about my past history. The concluding part was to complete the AQ test, you know, this one: http://aspergerstest.net/aq-test/ I scored within the clinical range for ASD and was referred on towards a full diagnosis. I was informed that adult aspies don't really have any support available and that it would take absolutely ages. Fair enough, this is the NHS, they are overburdened to say the least.
My mental health suffered during the months which followed. I told my brusque boss, who couldn't have given a flying fig about autism and thought that it was just an excuse for me to slack off. I walked out of my job with stress, I couldn't stop crying - I'd had enough. My GP was sympathetic and I was prescribed antidepressants - Setraline to be precise. At home I recuperated, often walking around the garden listening to Radio 4's Desert Island Discs on podcast to block out any extraneous noise - Aspies hate such things. On the advice of the GP I self-referred for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and had an introductory session. It was interesting, but a whole load of the other delegates were mute and the others, well without breaking confidences, one was very aggressive towards me indeed when I posed a question about women feeling more guilt than men tend to. Nice.
I returned to work a few weeks later, initially once a week. Things were fine at first, but once I upped my hours once more, it began to slide. The same problems arose: my performance was criticised and my self-esteem was at an all time low. I walked out of the job once again a few months later, I'd had enough, I wanted to leave, permanently. The GP signed me off once more and I was referred for counselling via the work programme. I fell out with the first counsellor, some things just don't click.
My mental health suffered during the months which followed. I told my brusque boss, who couldn't have given a flying fig about autism and thought that it was just an excuse for me to slack off. I walked out of my job with stress, I couldn't stop crying - I'd had enough. My GP was sympathetic and I was prescribed antidepressants - Setraline to be precise. At home I recuperated, often walking around the garden listening to Radio 4's Desert Island Discs on podcast to block out any extraneous noise - Aspies hate such things. On the advice of the GP I self-referred for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and had an introductory session. It was interesting, but a whole load of the other delegates were mute and the others, well without breaking confidences, one was very aggressive towards me indeed when I posed a question about women feeling more guilt than men tend to. Nice.
I returned to work a few weeks later, initially once a week. Things were fine at first, but once I upped my hours once more, it began to slide. The same problems arose: my performance was criticised and my self-esteem was at an all time low. I walked out of the job once again a few months later, I'd had enough, I wanted to leave, permanently. The GP signed me off once more and I was referred for counselling via the work programme. I fell out with the first counsellor, some things just don't click.
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