Being the huge Aspie I am, I often struggle with trying to work out what people actually want from me. I know that that sounds bizarre, but meeting, maintaining and quite frankly, keeping friends is an almost impossible feat for me. I just cannot work out the signals. I also write in an increasingly blunt way, with no heed for others' feelings.
One of my main issues surrounds my increasing inability to support friends with Mental Health (MH) issues. As an Aspie, my empathy (EQ) score is really low and I just cannot do it. I have had some awful experiences in the past with people (usually with MH conditions) getting too close and literally trying to take over my life. As soon as I think that history is beginning to repeat itself then I'll push things to facilitate a permanent split. It's an odd thing to do, I agree, but it's the only thing that I feel safe doing. I don't wish to upset my current home situation, that's for sure. My son Master Logic, now he's nearing puberty, is becoming more difficult and demanding by the day.
I know that, at this time of writing, that I really should be doing more with my life and I totally agree. I have seriously been considering a return to full-time work, but regular readers of this blog will be aware what happened to me back in September 2016 and I have no wish to repeat this. Office jobs and working with people generally makes me very unwell indeed and I lost count of the amount of times I went AWOL from jobs - I was threatened with dismissal on more than one occasion. I just cannot cope.
I'm taking on various freelance projects at the moment, which I enjoy and I'm soon to taking over some of the communications work for my local branch of the National Autistic Society and hope to expand that as much as I possibly can. I am intelligent and as such, need an outlet. It doesn't really help that I was made redundant though; don't get me wrong, it was the right thing to do, but I'm so much better than this, but I cannot be - it's a dichotomy.
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