Post #80: Mother-in-law and Palliative Care

My ninety-one-year old Mother-in-law is now receiving palliative care. She's bed-bound following a bad break of her fibia back in 2012, lives in a care home and has suffered from vascular dementia for the past few years. So, considering she'd been an active shopper well into her eighties, it's been a sad decline ever since.

My mentally and physically disabled fifty something brother-in-law had been living in council accommodation with her until 2015, but the situation, even with live-in care had been untenable for years as her moods and truculent personality had made his life a misery. He's in another form of residential care himself and seems much happier.

Post #79: Dealing With Interpersonal Relationships and Conflict [In A Sensible Manner]

Can I actually do that?  Well, if the events of the past few days are anything to go by, the answer's a resounding no.  Let's rewind (cue: the noise of a cassette screeching ...) - right.  I have a real issue about being let down, which is why I tend to not cancel one-on-one social occasions even if I really don't want to go. I suppose it all dates back to being the odd one out at school and people ridiculing/bullying me.  The trouble is with being an Aspie is that feelings often completely inexplicably overwhelm me and try as I might to address them in a sensible manner, I often flounder.

Yesterday afternoon I met up with my husband and son to enjoy a convivial drink in The Club (not the particular one rap superstar 50 Cent referred to in his song, to the best of my knowledge) but when I drew near I was greeted by the sound of a lone bagpiper and a military drum.  Inside was literally teeming with noisy, sweary, shouty military people replete with nationalistic placards.  I could hardly hear myself think and our autistic son was terrified by the din.  Five minutes after I arrived the 'leader' of the group addressed the assembled troops and stated: "The management here aren't letting our drummer in, so we're off to Wetherspoons - it's either all of us or none of us, drink up lads!" it was uttered in such a menacing tone that my husband was immediately concerned.  The noise level got no better and the category A swearwords emanating from a neighbouring table made me so annoyed that I, leaving the venue, vociferously told them to stop using such abusive language.  I'm not sure that they were suitably chastened, but I'm glad that I did it.

We're complaining ...

*Update*

Our comments were duly noted by The Club's manager and he is taking the appropriate steps to address the issue as we weren't the only ones to raise the issue.

Post #78: Expectations Of Socialising

I wrote this Tweet this morning:

It pertains to the way I feel about socialising; ergo - I just cannot do it any more. Saying that, it'll save me money in the long term. My preferred company seems to be geeky blokes these days.

Post #77: Post Diagnosis - How It Affects Any Hope Of Any Kind Of Future Career Prospects

*Stop Press: He Replied ...*

I'm annoyed, I really am. Why? Well, two weeks ago I attended an introductory session with a company called Resources Plus who are a company contracted to work on behalf of the London Borough I reside in.  Their main objective seems to centre around getting people back to work, or to find better quality employment in their particular field of expertise, providing training and support, where necessary.  The contact, whom I won't name here, won't acknowledge nor respond to the two emails I sent him. The first one provided an electronic copy of my CV and explained, in some detail, my personal situation; the second was a request to defer the 1to1 appointment we'd arranged during the introductory session.  I sent him another email today stating that if I do not hear back from him within three working days that I'll be taking the matter up with the Local Authority under the auspices of the Equality Act 2010.

I attended a parents' support group this morning and the discussion touched upon whether adults should seek a diagnosis and if so, would it affect their future career prospects.  I did and look what happened to me.  Bitter?  Yep.

Post #76: Friends (Not The TV Show)

Yesterday afternoon and evening one of my (few) friends came over, let's call her Sarah for the purposes of this blog.  She tends to visit every six-eight weeks or so - the process is always the same: she brings over back copies of Red magazine in exchange for my old Esquires (we both get them free as part of our bank account benefits.) Sarah brings dessert and a bottle of wine, always purchased from Asda. We drink tea, make polite conversation then switch the TV on.  Sarah, who's long-term single moved out from the sanctity of her parental home in her late thirties and now, three years on, she's still not upgraded her bed to a 4ft 6in double or even a 5ft King Size (ooohhh) and remains loyal to her 2ft 6in small single divan.

I think that Sarah was secretly gutted that I'd downgraded the Virgin Cable TV package since her last visit because, quite frankly, we weren't watching 90% of the content and it was a waste of money.  Oh well, it's my life.  I did get the distinct impression that she disapproved of my current lack of employment and the fact that she rises at the (ungodly) hour of 05:30 every morning is the only suitable life choice for the working woman (she's made many a disparaging comment about working parents in her time ...)

The thing that did make me laugh was her tales about her having to undertake excessive lawn mowing in the back and front gardens of her terraced property(!) and the fact that she refuses to place anything in the council-provided recycling boxes, choosing to recycle via the bottle bank network(!) whilst out and about. It's fair enough if you're single, but purrrllessseeee?  Yes, I know that I shouldn't be unduly judgemental and maybe, just maybe she shows traits of OCD, but would never admit it, nor seek any suitable support to address the condition, which isn't the way that I'd choose to live my life, but when's all said and done, I'm a completely different person.  

Post #75: Resources Plus Covering Letter

This is a redacted version of the covering letter I sent to my contact in Resources Plus (a council-funded scheme to get people off of the unemployment statistics/find new jobs etc ...)

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Hi [Name]

It was great to meet you last Tuesday and thank you for providing an overview of the work of Resources Plus.  As requested, I attach a copy of my CV, which, quite frankly is geared towards my previous career as a civil servant.  I'll flesh out the details a little more on xxxx, but basically, I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome last year following years of issues at work and in my personal life.  The knowledge that I do have the condition and how it limits everything has made it almost impossible for me to seek a suitable role.  I took voluntary redundancy in April after twenty-one years of working in the public sector - the highest grade I achieved was Higher/Senior Executive Officer.

I have attempted to obtain public service Agency Work, via Brook Street back in August and more recently, Adecco.  Brook Street put an awful lot of pressure on me to accept a totally unsuitable role, which included working in awful conditions with xxxxxxxxxxx.  I quit after seven days.  I'd ideally like to work part-time and flexibly, but no employer seems to be able to facilitate that.  Although I registered with Adecco back in September, I never heard back from them, despite their hollow promise that 'I had been fast tracked to the top of their temp list ...'

With all of this behind me, it's clear to me why I'm so disillusioned.  Also, any paid employment I obtain could affect the level of Disability Living Allowance I obtain on behalf of my son, who has Autism and ADHD.  In addition, my husband is a secondary carer for his Mother, who has dementia and lives in a residential home, and his Brother, who has profound learning difficulties, who resides in a different one.  This is the main reason why we both left successful careers in the Civil Service.  

All the best

Faspie

Post #74: The Comfort Zone Is There For A Reason

On Tuesday I went to a gig in trendy east London.  One of my male friends (I'm not a total sleaze: being a female Aspie, the demographic I mostly click with, friends-wise, tend to be straight geeky guys) asked me along as he'd purchased two tickets ages ago when he was dating a London-based party animal.  That said, regular readers of the blog will know that I'm not really suited to such events; I did, however, decided to break outside of my comfort zone and try to embrace a different experience.

As ever, the medium of online coversation is not straightforward; the WhatsApp trail became confusing whilst I was wandering around John Lewis in Westfield East, Stratford and I only got his call when I was en route to Hackney and desperately trying to push my way through the UK's seemingly busiest transport hub, Stratford Station.  He himself has a condition which makes travelling on crowded public transport an issue, so let's just say that the evening didn't really get off to the best start?

Baxters Court, The Wetherspoons in Hackney was absolutely packed, which I'm unsure was a normal occurrence for a Tuesday night, but maybe it was?  Once we'd managed to get a table, it was located far too closely to the one behind, and I had a braying woman shouting in my ear after one couple left and were replaced by a group of urban middle-class east Londoners. That kind of thing always tends to happen to me.

Once we moved onto the gig I was immediately tranported back to the nineties when I was indeed in my twenties and I guess, young.  I'm not really trendy, although I confess that I do wear Ray-Ban Wayfarers, but that's because I'm incredibly shortsighted and really do need them, so they're not really a fashion affectation.  We soon moved into the performance hall and it was ... crowded; people were pushing past all of the time, it was just, far too crazy for me.  I really thought that the night would never end; even though I'd removed my M&S cardigan (yeah, so what?!) and placed my Gap leather jacket over my retro blouse, I was still far too hot.  I can't imagine that I ever managed to glean any enjoyment out of such an evening, I really don't.  Anyway, to cut a long story short, I ended up leaving my friend and getting out a bit early - say, 22:35ish.  He didn't follow, which caused a few communication issues, which we later smoothed out via the medium of text and WhatsApp.

I fully realise that I am far too middle-aged for my own good, but being an Aspie isn't an easy ride sometimes.