Post #188 - Mea Culpa

OK, yes, I was wrong ... but let's admit it, WhatsApp group are tricky, right? Especially when there are no rules to comprehend. I suppose that common decency is paramount? Anyway, I'm back in the fold, so to speak.

This afternoon's survey was fine and I was finally able to discover the woman's name who so upset me back in January. What an officious person she was. 

Post #187 - Volunteering: Don't Do It!

I'll start by saying that there are clearly a whole bunch of absolutely lovely members of the Baby Boom generation out there, but - I seem to constantly butting heads with them. My mother is a Boomer, which explains a great deal. Many of them seem to have extremely fixed ideas when it comes to autism or disability - my advice is never to shop at M&S unless you want your neurodiverse child/young person shouted at.

During my now eight year hiatus from work I have made various attempts to join clubs and societies. Unfortunately I am not of retirement age and this cases a major problem for some of them. The latest case was yesterday when I went along to the second-hand book hut(!?) to talk members of the Borough's premier park about helping them expand their existing (IMHO: poor) social media presence. I had alway attended their last meeting but found the septegenerian Chair very imperious, brusque and rude to another member. 

One of the members had already failed to ask me whether I'd wanted a coffee and the others looked askance when i pulled out a plastic chair to sit on, so maybe that was also a bad omen. When I raised how well the Instagram platform was working in another Friends group, The Chair shouted "STOP!" loudly at me. Apparently that's acceptable because, and I quote: "she used to be a teacher!" Excuse me!  I picked up my bag and fled in tears.

I immediately found a bench and started off firing off emails/Xs of complaint. I wrote some comments on their Facebook page too, ditto a one star review. One email was to the Borough's main complaints address as all Friends groups sit under the Council's parks department.

I raised it on the other Friends group I'm a member of which sits in the North of the Borough but one woman, whom I'd found to be incredibly rude to me in the past tried to police the group, so I came right back at her and left that group too.

I am now ploughing my own fallow.

Post #186 - The Bully Dog Incident

On Tuesday, 19th September 2023 I experienced an awful incident during a volunteering session at one of my local parks. A group of us were tending the rhododendron beds which are located a fair distance away from the park lodge; there were four men aged between sixty-five and seventy-one plus myself, the only woman. It was during the lead up to the XL Bully Dog legislation.

At about 10:45ish two light skinned mixed race guys plus a young child of about five or six years of age approached us with a juvenile puppy Bully XL dog on a lead. They were apparently "touring the local parks to show people what nice dogs they were really." At first one of the gentlemen in our volunteer squad, let's call him Steve, went over to pet the huge thing, agreeing, saying that "yes it's the owners, not the dogs - all that kind of bullshit etc." The blokes wouldn't leave. They kept hanging around trying to provoke a reaction. I had been cowering at the back, hoping that they'd piss off, but they wouldn't. Eventually, I blurted out: "I hate those dogs - they're bred for violence."

Cue: absolute mayhem. One of them starts threatening me and my colleagues step in to protect me - I'm literally cowering behind the council branded brown bin. I'm yelling "I'M AUTISTIC!? LEAVE ME ALONE!?" One's filming the whole shebang on his phone, stating that it's going out live on Instagram. The other shouts at me to stop swearing in front of his autistic son, which is rather ironic and quite frankly, why is his son not in school as it was term time.

The Estate Manager, let's call him Dave, turns up and remonstrates with  the men, who by now are accusing me of attempting to attack his dog with a garden fork. Yeah - like I'd do that to a weaponised dog that could literally rip my throat out!?  One of the blokes calls for my dismissal (er, I'm a volunteer!) stating that I am a "disgrace" or suchlike.

I depart, in tears. My would-be groomer, Mr X, drives me home where my husband, Mr C, and son, Master C, are watching TV (my son is off sick from school). Mr X sees my house's interior for the first time - it was untidy and as such, I have always hugely disliked visitors. He later delivers a bunch of flowers. I was supposed to have attended a guided bat walk that very evening, but I get a refund as I'm too distraught to return.

The next day, which was Wednesday, Mr C and me are choosing bathroom flooring in the next town when he receives a call from Dave, the Estate Manager. Apparently eight or so blokes and their Bully XLs have turned up on masse. They are calling for my sacking!? Err ... I don’t work there!? Mr C confirms that I won't be returning and Dave states that it's a shame that he's lost a member of his team. We then drive straight to the Police Station to report the incident as a Hate Crime.

I don't actually return until March 2024, but keep in touch via WhatsApp with Mr X, who really steps up his grooming campaign after Mr C's sudden death on 1/1/24.

Post #185 - A Bad Day ...

Twenty-four years ago to this very day I first met the man who was to become my husband at a mutual friend's fortieth birthday gathering in a pub located in Soho. I miss his company.

Today was the day that I finally plucked up the courage to report the sexual assault which occurred last month. It's been a trying time.

This afternoon I attended my usual online music group. It's run by a local mental health charity. The session is held on Microsoft Teams and consists of a facilitator acting as the DJ and playing attendees' choices via their/the Charity's YouTube account - ergo music videos. I had an issue back in late September 2023 when, post Bully Dog Incident, one person chose an extremely violent and aggressive Scouse Rap video. I got upset and soon left the group. After this the rules were reviewed and tightened up.

Since then, it's been patchy. One member, who's clearly got a Learning Disability, wanted to play a Nicki Minaj track with a violent/sexual video - I said 'no!' quite strongly and was duly admonished by the Facilitator. I followed this up by email later on, suggesting that some members might be better suited to a Mencap group instead. She disagreed with the wording "I've got this." Right.

So - one bloke chooses a song by an individual called Just Jack and the video is set in a high rise tower block. It's gritty and ends with the man and woman throwing themselves off of the tower block's roof. Suicide. This is a mental health group, right?  I reacted quite strongly, the man apologised saying that "he'd never seen the video" I countered with "maybe watch the video beforehand?" The Facilitator stated that "not everyone can" - so I growled and left. I immediately emailed the Charity's Recovery College, stating that I wasn't happy and wanted to be removed from any future courses and sessions. I then thought - sod it, let's forward this to the Charity's Chief Executive, so I did.

Post #184 - Life After Death?

I'm back; my husband died suddenly on New Year's Day - he was sixty-three years old. It's now almost three months on and it's getting better but it's still a daily struggle.

The thing that's been most difficult to cope with is certain horrible people have felt the need to try and screw me over - sometimes literally. Yes - married men taking advantage of an autistic and bipolar woman's grief. It's very difficult to fathom why anyone would ever do that. Fear not: one got their wife told via LinkedIn [yeah, I know that informing people about their unfaithful spouses isn't the primary aim of the business network, but hey ho.] That ended in phone calls, email threats, a postal threat and ultimately a report to the Metropolitan Police as Mrs X was threatening to come to my house and shout at me; my autistic son also told his school who raised it as a safeguarding issue.

The other bloke, a grandfather in his seventies whom I met through a local environmental group, was very clever indeed and groomed me over two or so years. After a traumatic incident including a Bully XL dog during a volunteer gardening session he started visiting me at home but it didn't step up until after my husband died. This bloke has three daughters who are all around my age, so I thought that he was being fatherly and kind - he lent a sympathetic ear [my parents are both autistic themselves and didn't offer a huge amount of support.]

Over time he basically rubbished my late husband's memory, suggested that I remove my wedding ring and 'go out and have some fun with men' - I told him all about Mr X (see above). He was also grooming another vulnerable woman from the same Friends Group. One Thursday he visited and was overtly sexual - telling me that "you're big but you're attractive" and commenting about the size of my breasts. He then proceeded to tell me, in excruciating detail all about how an ex-girlfriend's mother had "introduced him to oral sex". Yuck - he's gross looking, smells and has about five teeth. As he was leaving he went in for a kiss on the mouth, something I absolutely abhorred. He said "I'd missed them lips (sic)" and then tried to French Kiss me. Yeah. I obviously didn't return the favour. When he left I burst into tears and wondered whether anyone would believe me. I told some mates via WhatsApp and then emailed my support worker at the Council who told me to tell him what he'd done wrong via WhatsApp and then block him. The stupid man had admitted his "advance" on a WhatsApp message so I had written evidence of his crime - and it was a sexual assault.

I then reported him to the council employees who co-ordinate the voluntary work. They agreed that his behaviour was unacceptable and spoke to him. 

Post #183 - End of the line - so long and thanks for all of the fish (although I don't like eating fish ...)

This is my last post. For reasons that I am not prepared to divulge I no longer wish to identify as autistic. Henceforth I shall be merely geeky.  I am, of course, autistic in the medical sense, but I wish to try and recapture a flavour of my pre-autism days.  I'll also be fully supporting Master Logic who needs all of the help he can get in working through his difficult teenage years.  

The period between December 2013 (the fight with over another parent over filming with an iPad at Master Logic's primary school) through to my two formal diagnoses - the brief, but powerful NHS one undertaken by the excellent Dr Elizabeth Kilbey via Oxleas in April 2015 and the private one funded via the civil service and undertaken by Dr Ken Greaves in May 2015 have been an enlightening read.  That said, until December 2013 I knew that something was wrong, but not enough to re-assess my entire life about. Hindsight's an amazing thing, but I'd like to try and be less autistic if I possibly can?  

I've gone full cycle - it's August 2021 now and I'm a proud mum on the spectrum and a geekess; I'm happy with that.  I cannot mix with certain adults on the spectrum, but some are absolutely lovely and I am hoping to keep in contact with them.

It's been emotional - farewell and thank you for reading.

Post #182 - Post Redundancy, Part #2

Whatever happened in 2017 must have been a continuation of the previous year, well, that goes without saying I guess?  I'm pretty sure that I must have either joined the adult autism charity in this year or 2016 - actually, I think that it may have been late 2016, so I'll amend that particular blog entry. I know from my email records that the first meeting I attended of my borough's Autism Partnership Board (APB) in November 2017.  I found it an odd concept and something which promised much but delivered very little in retrospect.  

So - an adult charity this time eh?  How did it differ from the children's groups?  Well, let's just say it wasn't an easy group to mix in with.  I'm pretty high functioning and therefore find it difficult to gauge the level of conversation so those with a learning disability can understand what on earth I am saying.  I don't struggle with guys like my brother-in-law because I'm used to him and he's pretty non-verbal anyway.  Some of the attendees were lovely though and really welcoming.  The Chair, let's call her Janey, was a bit odd though - incredibly self-assured and opinionated without having any academic background to her supposed professionalism.  

So, in late 2017 I tried another adult autism charity and got involved with the running of it.  It didn't work and I left in summer 2018 around the same time my beloved family cat, Tilly, was put to sleep.  I also sought a diagnosis of bipolar during this time but it was decided that I was unipolar in January 2019.

In September 2019 I was shouted out in the reception area of the Civic Offices by the woman who runs the adult autism charity.  The background to this furore was that, as co-chair, I wanted to attend the charity's training course which was aimed at council employees who had direct contact with clients on the spectrum, but because of beef the previous year, the woman thought that I was a spy and started shouting at me.  This made me almost burst into tears but I managed to get through the training course.  I reported this behaviour to the council and they spoke to the charity woman a few days later.  The charity woman never turned up to another autism partnership board meeting ever again and her sidekick left too.  

I cannot really recall much else; during 2020 COVID-19 happened and the Board didn't meet for about six months until they got their act together and arranged a meet via Microsoft Teams.  This meeting lasted for far too long as there was six months of stuff to deal with.  People started leaving the Board, it got smaller and smaller and the same old stuff kept coming up month after month.  I started feeling more and more sick about attending, even remotely.  

In 2020 I also joined another adult autism charity in another borough; they meet via Zoom or Skype and have a virtual pub night on there every month.  I quite enjoyed meeting new people and trying to suss out who everyone was.  I attended sporadically during 2020.  In early 2021 I developed clinical depression as a result of re-applying for my Personal Independence Payment (PIP) but I still attended, keeping a low profile and learning about the other members.  When my mood switched to hyper from late June/early July onwards I was much more bombastic within the group and started to make enemies.  I won't bore you, but I wanted to organise some mental health support for adults on the spectrum and I was going to undertake it with the help of this charity and one in my resident borough.  I joined the committee as a volunteer and bad stuff started to happen.  One of them was via one of those people whom I won't go into any more detail about and the other was, well, dealing with other people on the spectrum - I just cannot.

It all ended in tears yet again - I've gone now and quite frankly, wish to rescind my autism diagnosis.